I'm fucked

There are some things you should only do on holiday.

And it's those things that I have been doing for the last three days.

Right now it's 2.30pm and I am fucked. So fucking fucked you have no fucking idea.

Not fucked as in fucked but fucked as in fucked.

Like exhausted, feel like shit, a bit sunburnt, tired, hungover fucked.

So fucking hungover.

It was Cape Town Pride yesterday and ... I actually can't bring myself to type complete sentences, spelling is also proving a problem so I'll precis instead.

1/ Cape Town Pride
2/ Went with Ian and Andrew and a whole load of other people
3/ While there met cousin's ex-girlfriend (cousin is a lesbian). Her and I always got on really well even though she's a lesbian
4/ Ex-girlfriend's brother is there
5/ Ex-girlfriend's brother and I start chatting
6/ Ex-girlfriend's brother and I decide that we're the only two interesting people at Pride so we spend the afternoon together talking and drinking
7/ Ex-girlfriend's brother and I get on really well.
8/ The punchline for this segment: Ex-girlfriend's brother is a model. That is all he does. He is the most beautiful, handsome, drop-dead-gorgeous (whatever happened to Republica?) anyway, he is the most beautiful 24-year-old man I have ever seen in - well, this week anyway. I was mesmerised by his - I would describe it as boyish beauty.

Ex-girlfriend's brother shall now be known as Drew. Which is his real name, and isn't that just so fucking obvious / appropriate.

Drew is straight.

Yes, I have pictures of him which I must find a way of showing you. So anyway - Drew and I are talking and getting progressively more drunk because Drew gets drinks bought for him.

And since we're sitting together - and people don't ask but assume - I get bought drinks too because people think we're a couple. And of course I'm so fucking totally happy with that.

So Drew doesn't have a girlfriend because - well he did until about two weeks ago bla bla.

And the conversation turns to boys because there is a guy dancing in front of us in a very tight pair of hotpants, fucked off his face.

Drew asks me if I find "that" attractive.

I say no. I start scanning around for who's my type (trying not to scream "you, you fucking idiot!")

Anyway - so we're talking, talking and Drew points out a guy who he thinks is good-looking.

And we're a bit drunk and so the conversation goes in that direction.

We find out that once Drew had "something with some other people" in Milan or where-ever the fuck and there was some guy-on-guy amongst the girl-on-guy etc. It was a foursome.

He says it's not that he didn't like it with the other guy, it's just that it didn't interest him in the slightest.

The upshot to all of this rambling is that ex-girlfriend is more pissed than we are so she walks home (the Pride March Party is near where we both live).

Ian and Andrew and others have gone to have some dinner.

I snogged Drew behind a tree, he used his tongue first.

Though only just a smooch-smooch and I purposefully didn't do anything with my hands because I just thought "if I freak him out by touching his bum, he will stop."

And the best thing in the whole fucking universe is that just as we're about to say good-bye he doesn't say "please don't say anything to anyone."

And he doesn't say "you know, I don't usually do that." And he doesn't say "you do realise that I really am straight."

He says "I could tell in the beginning that you were coming onto me so I thought I'd make your day."

And then the killer line: "that was nice but I'm really not interested in other guys. If I was I would come back to yours. It would be nice to hook up again sometime."

We swap numbers.

I don't want to see him again actually because anything now would be a disappointment. I think he really is straight. Well, 95% straight at least.

Yes, yes... I have loads of pictures. I need to stick them all up. And I need to tell you about one of the most shameless things I have yet done.

It's one thing you can only do when you're on holiday. That's next...