Indulge me not

So I got send a picture of a pretty ferosh chicken dinner and we all agreed it looked pretty tasty...

My passing remark has meant a load of pictures pinging into my inbox.

And when they do, they're like little presents when they arrive, I tell ya!

So first up here's Bill's breakfast, a calorie-controlled Atkins extravaganza.

Along with the scrambled egg and salad is copious amounts of water which is presumably in a glass off-stage.

I love it. This is more exciting than photos of the inside of your fridge!

This next picture comes from David...

Now, I'd like to think that David has a sense of humour but I'm pretty sure he's being serious.

Breakfast = a tin of tuna, an egg + one strawberry. Can we all agree that this boy has his head screwed on the right way?

I know a calorie-controlled food extremist when I see one and those are the hallmarks. David, this is brilliant.

And then finally I get sent this...

So I guess this counts as "dinner" too...

Tim, yes, I can see why you're so confident.

I love having this picture up, not for what's in it but simply because it just completely lowers the tone.

And let's be honest - none of us are pretty far from the gutter anyway.

Of course if anyone else would like to get even smuttier, remember I'm just one click away: bobby.vanquish@gmail.com

And then to you - who sent me an e-mail from the shadows. I really wasn't expecting the response I got and I am so grateful but also - er, flattered isn't really the word.

You have had the same problems as me - problems with weight, with drinking too much and I am so glad to have had someone to share them with. Even if maybe the 'traffic' has, in a sense, been one-way.

Thank you.

So yesterday I mentioned that I was in the gym and - well...

I finished the work-out, swam 30 lengths and then hit the showers.

So I'm standing there in my swimming costume, soaping down and I turn around.

I can't describe the look but you know it when you see it.

It's a kind of lingering crotch stare and usually the guy then automatically grabs his willy.

I am partly ashamed to say that my experience of this is vast - though I have to preface that by saying it's by default.

No I don't wank in the gym showers but I have seen it enough to know... Going to the gym five days out of seven, the odds are massively enhanced.

Uncut guys are the worst because they have the equipment to play with. They roll it back and soap it up and roll it forward and rinse and repeat. Over and over and over...!

So I look up, still in my swimming costume and there are two guys, stood in cubicles side-by-side and they both give me The Look.

I seriously don't think the one knew what the other was doing.

And then out comes their soap. Froth, froth, froth... and the next time you turn around, hey presto! There are two great big boners sticking out from the bubbles.

I just thought to myself "don't react Bobby, don't react."

Luckily I was still in my Speedo which held me all together so there was no danger of nature taking over.

So I stood with my back to the shower wall, grabbed the Adidas Body Wash and lathered myself up.

And I made a point of deliberately washing my pecs, soaping my stomach and pulling open the speedo to let the water from my stomach trickle in.

The one on the left, who was actually vaguely hot was nearly stood completely north.

The other guy, a short Asian chap, and half wanking himself off.

I felt like the filthiest tease. The bitch who wouldn't play.

And there I was stood, thinking "Bobby... don't even react - just carry on soaping and for fucks' sake crotch - don't even move."

Having had enough I turned around, my back now facing them, rinsed off the rest of the soap and stopped the shower.

Pulling off the Speedo, thankfully things were all still pretty compact from the pool.

I quickly towelled myself, as they both kept turning around and back again, both with raging hard-ons.

Wrapping the towel around me, I wrung out the Speedo, grabbed the bodywash and protein shake bottle.

Catching one of their eyes I shook my head, half smiled but tutted.

Leaving now, they both looked absolutely crest-fallen.

Back in the changeroom, about two minutes later they emerge. I'm half dressed.

It would have been so easy to have pulled my Speedo off, got a semi and wanked back at them.

Instead I stopped myself completely.

I went home thinking "I feel so much sexier walking away with my dignity intact."

It's a really great feeling to see someone get turned on by looking at you. For me, it's a new feeling.

Sometimes the guiltiest pleasure is the one where you don't even indulge.

Poor fuckers, though I'm pretty sure it gave them something to wank over that evening.

I know it did for me.