Sleazy does it

So Alex is a girl, who I used to work with but became friends with, and sometimes she says "please come out with us" and nearly most of the time I decline, blaming work / fatigue / a bleeding foot etc.

Except last night I had no excuses so I decided to go.

It's curious going out with the Alex circle because you get to see a really different side of London.

We nickname Alex's boyfriend Daddy Warbucks.

He drives a supercharged Range Rover with shiny wheels but no he's not Lebanese.

So we head for the club which is somewhere in St James.

I should be clear as to where it is but although I've said I will not drink, I have instead resorted to er, something else.

I need to go back to where we were to find out the name because it feels like a dream.

I remember there being a yellow Lamborghini parked outside the club, us getting out of the 4x4 and being ushered in, ahead of the queue.

Inside there were girls in really skimpy dresses with tiny little glittery handbags.

And thank god Chris is there. He is also one of Alex's friends.

Chris is another gay and we get on really well and he's quite fit and every time we meet we end up groping each other's pecs and we always do the "haha... we should meet up sometime (get together and fuck)" but we never do.

So we were sat in this kind of roped off section and we talked and the music was quite loud and I remember dancing a bit and Chris and I look really gay because we're the only two guys on the dancefloor.

And I noticed that, do you know - straight women are just as fucking predatory as gay men.

This women in a silvery dress was really giving me the fucking eye-up, but like big time. Every time I looked up, I caught her eye.

So back in the roped off area Warbucks is sitting with Alex on one side and this other girl on the other. Actually, there were just girls everywhere.

I spoke to Warbucks for a time, at one point complimenting him on his watch, he sounding slightly desperate to make his response sound throwaway / casual.

"It's a Breitling - silly thing set me back about thirty thousand."

Anyway, so these guys kinda come up and circle around as the girls sit and sip their champagne.

One of girls sat near Alex is apparently a model except she's really short so I realise that they mean a "model."

I really wanted to talk to her but then I thought maybe I shouldn't. So I left it.

Next to us in the seated area there are apparently two premiership footballers which means nothing to me. Who?

And there were these two Indian guys, standing near our roped off area, one in like a brown suit and the other wearing a shiny blue tight T-shirt with so much fucking gold on - and then these girls appear and just drape themselves on these guys.

There's a bucket with like Krug in it on a table near them and these guys pour the girls some champagne and the girls literally fuck the flutes with their tongues.

Either these Indian gents are call centre workers at Carphone Warehouse or they have a Ferrari parked outside that daddy bought.

The only guys in the whole place, who I thought were attractive, were the barmen.

There were men in tuxedos standing around with ear-pieces in, bottles of champagne on ice that probably cost upwards of £250 a bottle and women in shiny dresses that looked like underwear.

And all it is, is an upscale meat market. Oh my god it was so sleazy.

It was a mixture of desperados, designer clothing and drugs with a whole load of money thrown in.

I remember being in Action (old muscley gay London disco) one evening where one of the strippers wanked off and it didn't feel as sleazy as the atmosphere last night.

Vacuous women, plastered with make-up and desperate to find a rich guy. And all of the guys with shirts that are far too unbuttoned, beer-bellies and false tan.

Well, I've done it now and don't have to again for another year.

It feels like I've had a really seedy night out and I never even ended up at a bathhouse. Urgh.

The only good thing is that, I went out with £40, my bank card, mobile phone and front door key.

When I looked in my pockets I find roughly the same thing.