Doormats and dashboards

It says that this is the 200th post on this blog. It means I have lumbered up to entertain / amuse and infuriate you about 200 times.

Sometimes I think that it's a wonder that there's anyone still here!

Now listen - can I ask you a favour?

Over the last three days I've written a whole bunch of stuff about a load of crap and at least six people have e-mailed me in response, who I never even knew read this thing.

But I know there are a whole lot more of you. So here's what I would really like you to do.

Please could you just send me an e-mail with your name, age and where in the world you are. That's all.

I would really love you to do this, especially if you've never left a comment or sent me an e-mail before.

This is like the part in the show when the person on the stage asks the lighting person to turn up the house lights.

Except I don't want to make a fool of ya.

I just want to know what your name is, your age and where in the world you are.

It's so that I can put a name to a stat. Or something.

Please email: bobby.vanquish@gmail.com. I would really appreciate it.

(And I promise it's just me for and nobody else so please don't be shy. I just want you to say hi.)

Now speaking of interactivity and all that stuff, yesterday I was moaning about how I wanted to be normal and eat roast chicken and mash and this morning I got the most exciting e-mail from someone who's cooked a roast chicken for me to enjoy. Virtually...

This is the funniest / coolest / weirdest picture I've been sent in a while.

It's weird to think that you're sitting, in a place where I have never even been before, reading these words. Seeing exactly what I am seeing.

I love it. And I think the chicken looks really fucking good. So thanks for the pic, it brightened my day. (Nice Mac too...!)

Actually, there's another hint. If you wanna take pictures of your food with my blog in the background - please feel free to do so. Mail them to the above address please.

Naked pictures are also encouraged. Obviously.

Speaking of pictures, sometimes people in London have no shame.

Take, for example this photo I managed to snap of this woman's book on the Tube this morning.

I have tried to fiddle around with the picture in PhotoShop to try and show you what the chapter is called but it doesn't work.

Basically the name of the book was Assertiveness For Women and she was reading the chapter entitled "He Treats Me Like A Doormat". !!!

Uh!?

I mean, there's a time and a place for everything you know...

Anyway, speaking of unusual things... check this, which I spotted in a van in the parking lot outside the gym.

What a fucking pigsty.

That's just the dashboard. Can you imagine what their bedroom must be like!? Or how filthy their underwear must be. Urgh... yucky yucky.

We can see a juice bottle, some newspaper, plastic bags, a soap (!) and what looks like a false tit.

Lordy lord... anyway, so that's Post no. 200.

Tomorrow we'll get resume a normal service. Perhaps I should tell you about how I found myself in the gym showers tonight with two guys in the opposite stalls wanking at me.

Did I? Didn't I?

That's tomorrow bitches...