Just make me normal

Yesterday we went to some (gastro)pub in Primrose Hill for a friend's birthday lunch.

I drove there which is a great way to get out of drinking.

At the restaurant I had sparkling water plus orange and diet lemonade.

On the menu I had the fish because it had no sauce and it had no potato.

Afterwards the six of us sat and had beers, except I drank more orange & diet lemonade.

And behind us were a group of guys, sitting drinking beer. And one of them turned around to talk to Hayley and the next thing, our groups had merged.

This really good looking guy from their group called John, spoke really well and had a very handsome face. He started talking to me.

There was a laugh and he touched my leg and I looked into his eyes (that look) and then we talked about his job in advertising and he's funny and sweet and genuine and ...

All I kept thinking was "hmm... he's very good looking but I dunno about his build. A bit of a stomach. Drinks too much beer."

And so when it came time to go, instead of me maybe saying something like "hey, would be nice to get together sometime again" I, in complete sobriety think, "yeah - he's sweet - we'll go out on a few dates, maybe get together but it won't last because, from the neck down he isn't rocking my socks off."

So we shake hands, he walks out with his mates in the opposite direction and we both do the turn-around-glance.

Now, if I was a normal person this is what would have happened:

We would have gotten a cab to the pub
I would have drank.
I would have eaten what I wanted (roast chicken and mash)
I wouldn't have sat the whole time thinking "I wonder what time the gym closes - maybe I'll be able to fit an hour in later."
I would have talked to John and swapped numbers with him, because he was very good looking and genuinely nice (stomach included).
Once home I would have joined the others for a few more drinks and that would be that.

Nicey-normal.

Instead I get home and think "oh fuck, I'm feeling fat, I can't go out to the club now." I even went and bought a new white vest because the theme was white / milk etc.

So I'm sat in my room and downstairs everyone is laughing and drinking.

And I do a few push-ups and sit-ups and then I just think that I am far too fat for the party so I SMS Grant to say I'm not going.

He sends the standard response "you always say this - see you outside at 12.30."

I then find some leftover ****, do some and then write some embarrassingly depressing dirge on my blog and go downstairs to join the others.

All the time thinking, "if only I was normal... I would be having fun right now. Or about to..."