Bobby playing pool

For the first time today, I had nothing to do.

Elizabeth and Herbert were doing their bollocks in some part of the house that didn't bother me, my mother was out for the day and the mercury hit 34C.

What better than to throw a pool party. All for yourself.

So here's what you need...

First, glasses and lotion. Because my skin is still decidedly African, I use SPF 4. The glasses are Prada.

Then, obviously, because you're in the sun, these are necessary. Absolutely chilled.

And then, standing in the middle of the crisp chilled blue water with a beer, in the midst of weather that is mid-30C, one of these helps... I have no idea what it is.

And so from about 11am to 3.30pm I danced around in the swimming pool, drinking and listening to tunes.

Like the tiles around the pool, I made my own mosiac.

I pretended I was on MTV Spring Break - where all the muscle frat boys get together and hose each other down.

I pretended I was in some sexy music video, set on a poolside.

Underneath that cap and behind those sunglasses there is a full-force party happening.

I don't remember much of what happened, only that at around 4pm I needed to lie down badly.

Can we all just imagine spending in the day, jumping around and completely fucked off your face while listening to music in the middle of this...

It's been some of the best few hours of the holiday so far.

More pictures of me chilled in the pool, in my own little world.

About an hour ago (9pm) I had the following conversation with my mother.

Mother
We've been out for something to eat, we tried to wake you but you were fast asleep.

Bobby
I was tired, I was lying by the pool all day. The sun is tiring you know.

Mother
It's only tiring if you're out in the sun drinking all day.

Bobby
I was not...!

Mother
Well, why did Elizabeth have to clear up the empty bottles of cider and Castle Lager tins lying around the swimming pool?

What Bobby said to his mother:
Well, that's because Elizabeth was out there all day getting pissed on your booze.

What Bobby stopped himself from saying:
Lucky the poor bitch didn't moan about the rolled-up R200 note and the tea-tray that she had to clear-up too.

Anyway, yadda yadda...

So next time, you're invited to my pool party. Bring booze and a good swimming costume.