Yellow, brown or clear

Oh for fuck's sake.

Actually, listen - we're not going to talk about bodily fluids any more (for this week anyway).

However.

The fuck's sake is because I am sick. Well, I have a cold.

Hence it means I have been coughing up phlegm and gobbing into my hand all day.

This is because I believe the in the following old wives' tale.

It's probably all crap (er, spit...) but this is why, when you're having a cold you should check your spittle:

1/ If it's clear gob you're at the start of the infection
2/ If it's green gob you've got a cold / pneumonia / one week to live
3/ If it's yellowey your body's fighting infection and it's on its way out

Well, my gob is yellow which means I am on the mend.

After the symptoms surfaced last night I have taken echinacea (drops and tablets), Berocca, Lemsip sachets and pills, First Defence, green tea and chamomile tea.

And some oranges, M&S pomegranate juice and boiling water, honey & lemon.

I have also made the calculated risk of missing gym tonight.

Basically I thought if I miss gym tonight and get better then it would be worse than going to gym tonight and making my infection worse.

Bla, bla, bla.

So a while ago I decided to declare a few things so instead of talking about cum and spit I thought a few more would be fun.

Yes, when I told you my pin number 3335 I was being totally honest.

It was that but I've since lost the card so it's changed.

So here are three more declarations.

1/ When I'm on the Tube / public transport I don't listen to what I consider to be crap music (2 Unlimited / Haddaway) on my iPod because I have this irrational fear that people will be able to hear what I'm listening to and laugh at me.

2/ I think I have a mild form of body dysmorphic disorder. When I look into the mirror I see someone slightly overweight with a huge waist and scrawny arms. I know it's not the case but I just can't see myself any differently.

3/ I say this slightly apprehensively because well, who cares. So speaking of eating.
I have this terrible problem that I judge people too seriously based on their table manners.

Basically these feature at the top of the Problem Scale:

a/ Holding your knife like a pen
b/ Chewing with your mouth open
c/ Not putting your knife and fork together when finished etc.

Jeez I sound like an uptight cnut.

Yeah, maybe that should be point number 4. Maybe I'm a little too judgemental and uptight.

But then again maybe it's just my cold.

That's the funniest thing about blogs really. Every night you read me in around 400 words and your imagination fills in the gaps.

Based on your comments my imagination fills in the gaps about you.

I think that if you knew me in real life you probably wouldn't like me at all.

And vice versa?