Thursday, 10 January 2008

Sun factor Z

X-Factor is a TV programme like Pop Idull or American Idull or whatever.

Late last year it was all very exciting when one of the show's finalists starting working out at my gym.

This is because he's blonde (?), Welsh and a virgin (!). I know a few other guys who've made that excuse too. Anyway.

Actually, having Rhydian working out at our gym wasn't that exciting, it just added to the motley band of idiots who pump it up at North London's finest.

The memorable bit came one night when the paparazzi started stalking him at the gym.

You may remember this picture. In it we see Rhydian standing admiring himself near the pec machine and the windows to the swimming pool...

And it was intriguing because Rhydian has no bum, rather puney arms but an enormous chest.

Of course we all wondered what he would look like without his shirt on, didn't we? (Humour me by saying "yes". Thanks.)

Well, thank the paparazzi again.

Lady (is there even one?) and Gentlemen, I give you...

This. Rhydian in a swimming costume.

Now obviously I am not that defined but goddamit I am far more in proportion. Check out his tiny little arms.

This now begs the question, do we find him hot, yes or no?

Of course this is all hypothetical as we know that Rhydian is celibate so there's no chance of a leg-over anyway.

By the way - if Rhydian is a virgin and not into sex, then why does he spend so much time preening and pumping himself up? Odd.

So, for the record, I am turned off.

He has orange-looking chest hair which suggests that although "blonde" on the top, down below it may be a little orange too. I guess when naked it would just look weird.

Whatever. Enough of that. I know what you're more interested to know about is my Man Flu.

So here's an update: I have a slightly low voice (from phlegm) and I have sneezed today. I think this is the virus making a last stand.

The downside is that, for a second night in a row, I haven't been to gym. Shit.

That's bad but not quite as bad as blonde on top and orange down below. Surely.

15 comments:

David said...

Butterface -- hot body, ugly face.

Splicer said...

I think the American version of X-Factor is America's Got Talent.

As for Rhydian, his face looks really old, and that hair makes it seem like he is clinging to some idea of youth that he just can't pull off.

His body however...is rather nice.

Don't let the man flu get the best of you. Also, if your having trouble sleeping though the night becasue of coughing, try putting Vics VaporRub on your feet before you go to bed. I know it sounds weird, but it really helps.

Bobby Vanquish said...

Bolt: Hmm... I am trying to see what you see in the body?! It's all odd. Maybe it's a little hot but it doesn't all add up.

Splicer: Yes - the hair needs to go. He needs to shave it off. Could make him a little more rugged. Apparently he doesn't drink or smoke either.
Moving on - I am sleeping fine at night though if things go awry I will haul out the Vics - though I'm not sure about this 'on the feet' thing?!

W said...

deffinately not my cup of tea. He looks like he has the body of a pumped up dwarf. thats deffo not my bag.

in other news - well done for living in North London. Its so vastly superior it need no other comment.

The one benefit of a cold is a husky voice. Embrace it (though not he phlegm)

As for no gym for 2 days - jeez man, stop being prissy!

Anonymous said...

Something about him scares me. He has dead eyes and for some reason his body has all of the things I like yet does not turn me on!! All very odd....

ANDRE said...

1) he has t-rex arms.

2) blonde at the top, orange at the bottom.. sounds like a tequila sunrise to me!

can you tell i haven't been drinking for 4 (!!) nights in a row?!

oh, and some preppy blogger we know may be a fan of his skin colour! :)

Jon said...

Tiny little arms? Geez. Good thing you don't have a picture of me to post. My arms would be microscopic.

S said...

A case of the carpet not matching the drapes?

Bobby Vanquish said...

CSS: I sound like the man whose job it was to say "This. is. CNN."
and yes, North (West) London is where it's happening. North London 4eva!

Anon: ditto... everything. Agreed!

Andrea: I like the T-rex analogy. That's it - he is a dinosaur. Also his black eyes make him look slightly reptilian too.

Jon C: They're weeny tiny when you compare them to the rest of his body.

Steven: That's the best euphemism I've heard today. I am going to use it repeastedly.

Anonymous said...

He had his drapes dyed at the dry cleaners I think. So, maybe the carpet and drapes do match.

TheDreamer said...

Yuck. Not hot. Not even a prawn (hot body, ugly face). More like a catfish (just ugly).

MadeInScotland said...

well, fcuk me, I am *totally* surprised he looks like this. They went on about him being a rugby player, but really I had no idea. And actually, he's not a minger. The problem is that his peroxide hair does not suit his skin tone. Change that, and the haircut, and I think he would look extremely hot.

BV I am going to borrow the picture. Hope you dont mind.

ahoj

Bobby Vanquish said...

Anon: The drapes are white, the walls are orange and the carpet is orange. This is not a match at all! In fact it's make me feel quite unsteady.

AA: Or a Hammerhead shark. Mind you, salmon are pretty ugly fish too...

Czech: Borrow away...

MadeInScotland said...

ps there's a little vid clip of Rhyd singing on my blog. Just before he sings there's a little bio, and a pic of him as 16yr old rugby player. Minging, even if you are into rough.

But still, like Gary Barlow, people grow into their bodies and I take exception to those of you whose comment would lead us to conclude that you'd throw this guy out of your bed. Yup. Of course you would!

Mind you, I wouldn't want him singing to me in the morning.

ahoj

Anonymous said...

The drapes are dyed white....

The walls are orange and the carpet is probably a dirty brown like someone tracked some mud in across the carpet. Gross.