Lunch with Architect (Chris) on Saturday got off to a bad start even before we met because he suggested Balans as a possible option.
I feel obliged to describe Balans on Old Compton Street because you may not have heard of it.
But as I start to type I just am overwhelmed by indifference about the place. It's just...bla.
Anyway, so I say no to that and we end up at Busaba Eathai instead.
Eathai is a noodle bar and it has shared dining tables which is great because no matter how bad the conversation gets, you can always gossip about the other munters, sorry, punters.
Architect Chris is sweet but I felt like I was having to work at it.
And the conversation never got above just a series of questions. You know when you're sitting with someone thinking "gad - what the hell can I talk about next?"
He also didn't have a comprehensive answer to the question "which building in the world do you wish you'd designed?"
I thought all architects would have their ultimate structure.
I also thought to myself, if he says 30 St Mary Axe then I'll whip my cock out and wave it in the woman's face sitting next to me.
"So which building in the world do you wish you'd designed?"
"Hmmm... I've never thought about that [wtf!]. I'd have to say it would probably be The Gherkin (30 St Mary Axe)."
I didn't even bother to start unzipping.
At the end I did the "that was nice', thanks" and avoided saying anything like "we should do it again sometime."
Yibbly-piddly... that's that one then.
While running in the gym earlier this evening I tried to think up like a list. A list to give young gays who're just starting out in the world. It would be "advice for young gays."
I had a few really good points but I've forgotten some of them. But here is what would be on my list;
Being a homo is fun, daunting, sexy and depressing. But always remember:
1/ Some boys are cunts and will break your heart. Fuck 'em regardless and move on. (Interpret that however you will...)
2/ Never advertise yourself on Gaydar as "a hungry hole" or "begging bottom-boy". It's just lame.
3/ Saunas are depressing and a waste of money. Always. There is no exception to this rule.
4/ Your colleagues don't care that you're gay. You don't need to constantly remind them that you are.
5/ Camp is fine. In small doses.
6/ There is more to life than QX magazine and Gaydar.
7/ If your shoes are dirty, your T-shirt has holes in it and you can't afford the drinks, it's not an issue. Unclean teeth are.
8/ Er,
9/ That's it.
10/ I can't think of any more.
22 comments:
what's so bad about 30 st mary axe?
that's pretty pathetic. an architect without a building that gets them off? he sounds hardly the ego driven, god complex ridden, anal retentive asshole one needs to be in order to succeed at it. (can you tell I am one?)
Ha ha! I've sooo had dates like Chris the Architect (in fact, I had a dud date with an architect myself...hmmm, is there a pattern?). Great list of advice! Can't wait for 8, 9 and 10! LOL
Dick: If you ask anyone about which building they thing is impressive, people always say the Gherkin. Not that I ask that question very often but I would love to meet someone who says 'the building that really turns me on is the National (a great concrete lump) and then they go on to convince me that it's the greatest structure ever.
Ja: So come on.... which building in the world do you wish you'd designed? And that means that you're banned from saying The Gherkin or the National in London. Which one?
Monty: So Ja is an architect and he looks quite normal. Except for the star tattoo on his shoulder which is quite big.
The one thing about architects that always makes me smile is how they talk about buildings as if they were living beings. "Oh, it breathes such beauty to the area" and you're thinking - er, it's a pile of bricks...?!
Remind me not to go on a date with you if you start asking me work related questions. It'll be like being ina job interview! Maybe not everyone hates their job as much as I do though innit
Hehehe.... Hehehehe... I love the advice. So incredibly true. The teeth one is particularly good.
I think you've missed one off about eyebrows though. There's something to be said about not taking too much off.
Shame about your date. One of the magazines I work for is an architectural one and the pattern seems to fit.
Are you sure he's architect?
i get that i guess. but he is gay. and considering the thing looks like a huge sex toy that goes somewhere fun im not too surprised that would be his answer. i don't pay attention to that type of stuff but i know next time someone asks me my favorite building my answer will be the dildo, er, gherkin.
#11 - if you have to pay for sex, you know you are getting old.
I rather liked my one visit to Balans...but that was 3 years ago. I'd never before eaten in a restaurant with so many cute/hot waiters who seemed to kiss one another each time they walked past each other. It was an experience.
London P: Job schmob. I can think of far more interesting and important topics we could discuss.
Like the Central Line, for example. Or I could ask you "what is your favorite film of all time?" I know how much you love them. :-)
A: Oh yeah - good point. (Too much) eyebrow plucking is waay gay. Don't do it. Unless you have a monobrow. Then it's imperative to get it sorted.
Rick: Yeah, well he said he was. Maybe he is traning to be an architect but works in a call centre in the meantime.
Dick: It's a good stock answer to have (who the hell would ever ask you it?) but in London everyone says it's their favourite building. It's b-oring. It's other name is the Towering Innuendo.
Gabriel: Funny this because I was thinking about "paying for sex" and couldn't work out if the line was "paying for sex is not worth it" but then I don't know if that's the case. Maybe hiring rent is loads of fun!? I can't afford to find out, personally.
So if you're paying for sex you're getting old - but I think also, if you pay for sex, no matter what, you'll always wake up in bed alone.
Scot: yeah so Balans is an experience and... actually, i shouldn't be rude because I have had some really good times there... but -- I dunno. I just find it a bit obvious.
I dunno if this is true or an urban legend but apparently the place once offered ingredients and "added value" that wasn't ever listed on the menu. (speaking of the waitors...)
I'd never say the Gherkin, I have more substance than that. I have a major appreciation for the Barcelona Pavilion and an obsession for really any of Peter Zumthor's works. (flickr.com if you're going to picture search)
There you go again, trying to restrict impressionable gays to bobby approved standards! Not too camp, not too passive. blah blah blah. Leave the faggoty ass bottom boys alone! (apart from the dental hygiene bit which stands of course)
As for the 'whats your favorite building?'line - I think he was probably yawning inside before you even reached the end of that sentence. I certainly was.
Love the advice..I get the same work related questions when I go out so I have to agree with Preppy...like being in an interview.
How was the Hollywood boy...see him again?
Alpha...
Yeah BV, I like that Busaba Eathai, but more than that I reckon the pub next door is good too, it's cosy with a decent pint of London Pride :-). But buildings? In London I still like No 1 London Bridge because it's been there for years and STILL looks fabulous with all that mirror glass, so many buildings look good when they're first built but rapidly go downhill (who mentioned the Barbican?)
GB xxx
Alpha: Hopefully I'll see Mr Hollywood again. And it's not really advice; it's just my skewed view of the world / gays etc.
Hey GB! Long time no see...! x x I have to say that the best Busaba is the one in Bloomsbury - just up from Tottenham Court Road - always far quieter than the one in Soho.
Is 1 London Pride where the FT is? Yeah, that's a cool building.
And the other building I love - because it just screams 80s, Yuppie, City, Wall Street, shoulder pads, massive permed hair, Armani suits and carphones is the NatWest tower / Tower 42.
Yeah, it's weird that the Barbican is ugly but the British Library is quite beautiful...
About the advice to the young gays (or as I call them Todays Young Gays), can you add something about being nice to the old gays (like me specifically) LOL because one day they're going to be old too.
Timmy: I've said it before and I'll say it again...
"Age only matters if you're wine or cheese!"
PS Architecture...I'd have to say that my favourite building is the Sydney Opera House (and yes, I am biased) - I see it every single day and I still find it breathtaking!
I've actually had sex in the Gherkin (fucked inside a giant phallus - I was reeling under the semiotic blastwave) and noticed that its not very interesting internally.
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