Doof!
Bobby stands up.
Bobby: God, sorry - sorry...
Other man (overweight with ill-fitting faded pink trunks and trashy European accent that is neither Dutch, German nor French): It's clockwise - you have to swim always on the left.
Bobby: Sorry, I didn't see you get into the pool.
Other man: Yeah but you must watch where you going.
Bobby: I said sorry, I didn't see you get into the lane.
Twat man (walking to start swimming again): Yeah, well watch where you're swimming. Idiot.
Bobby: I beg your pardon?
Arsehole man has swam off hastily.
Bobby out loud: Stupid cunt.
Irritating woman sitting at edge of pool on lounger reading newspaper: Excuse me...
Bobby noticing woman, embarrassed so throws on sheepish face: God, sorry! I didn't realise you were sat there.
Irritating cow: That language isn't very nice.
Bobby: I just said I'm sorry - I didn't realise you were sat there.
Stroppy woman: Still, that's not a very nice word and I don't think you fsdlkj sdlkj slkjb sflk sdfgo;iyqw tp98124 5piuywq rt
By this stage I can't hear because I've just ignored her and started swimming again.
Now aggressive and irritated I swim extra fast so that I'm constantly on the tail of the other guy who I accidentally bashed into.
At the length he lets me swim past which means I swim even faster to lap him and end up back on his tail again.
This continues, me swimming right up behind him to make sure that as he gets to the end of the length, I am there.
This forces him to wait while I swim ahead, fast enough to catch up with him again just as he's about to finish, thus cramping the lane on purpose.
Finally after another 4-odd lengths, he gives up, gets out and I have the lane all to myself again.
Aggressive, belligerent, competitive, hostile... I simply remember a few of my favourite things... and then I don't feeeeeeeeeeeeeel.....!
... so baaaaaaaad!
Wednesday 2 April 2008
Nothing solves a problem like aggression
Written by Bobby Vanquish at around 22:26
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12 comments:
best post ever. especially like the sound of music reference. what was really funny though was that the woman thought you were calling her a cunt and you weren't but then in fact she acted like one. she should have kept her mouth shut cause i can assure you based merely on the fact that she is a woman that she herself has uttered either cunt or bitch at least once in her life.
telling fat ugly people off (usually when I'm more in the wrong when they are) is my favorite past time.
There are loungers by your pool. get you fancy pants!
She sounds like a right mess. I think she just wanted to make conversation with you :P xxx
On the bright side, because of your "inspiration", you probably had your best workout in ages.
Dick: Ohmygod - you should be careful. Some women really don't speak that hideous word. There's a woman at work who gets irritated when people say "the c word".
And this, in an office where someone once shouted at the top of their voice (in front of a group of schoolkids) "fuck the fucking Pope, fuck!!"
Ja: So is it Ja (as is jar of jam) or Ja (as in Afrikaans for yes?) This is important and I need to know please. x x
W: It's swish and posh - what am I supposed to do? I just work out there, you know...
HBH: She probably did just wanna chat. Lonely ol' bitch.
firechick: ohmygod, ohmygod. Your name suggests that you are a woman. This is amazing. There's only one other woman who reads my blog that I know of!*** I'm so - I mean that's so cool. Sometimes I worry that this rubbish is one big gay love-in. Woo-hoo! Boys, we have a lady in the house. Respect please.
*** = the other woman who swings by is Liz in Sacremento.
Liz, ohmygod I am the world's worst person because I haven't written back to you. Your mail was just - well I'll tell you what I think when I write to you. I'm sorry I have not got around to replying - I wanted to also share it on here and the work has screwed me around too. I am sorry. And I am a crapper. I wanted to share it and find the right time to do it and and and and...
Send me insults if you like, I deserve them!
you don't think the cashmere mafia's gonna come after me do ya?
I'm sure I'm not the only one. And no you don't deserve insults. C Ya!
Liz
your options sound much better, but it's Ja, like the letter J or Jake or Jason or I don't know. And that could be one of your options you gave but I may be overthinking your accent.
Thats kinda disappointing because 'Ja' pronounced as a Slone would say 'yes' or as a German would say 'yes', would be a much cooler name than Ja pronounced 'Jay'. Why not reconsider?
He was probably just jealous of your abs.
She may not be a woman just because of the screen name. After all sometimes I like to go by the name of firecrotch and I'm not a woman. :)
P.S. You've got a potty mouth!
Carl
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