So it's Sunday night and I just don't know what to feel.
Last night I had what could best be described as the singular worst time I've had in ages.
I have been looking over the blog to see if I've mentioned Gareth before and I can't find any mention of him.
Gareth is shag-zilla. He's kind of fun to go out with except when he's on the prowl which is all the time.
Towards the end of 2005 he developed a taste for big, hairy, muscular men so we went to XXL together a few times, me more out of curiosity. God, that's a post on it's own...
I have to say though that despite the scenery (men) at XXL not really being my type, the music far eclipsed anything else in the London at the time.
Anyway, so he's moved from hairy musclemen and now prowls Profile Bar every Saturday night. He invited me so I decided to go long to see what it was like.
You can guess what I think about the place by my current mood.
It really made me quite chronically depressed / upset / low on the Tube home.
Imagine four floors of bar, filled with gays who've engorged on a whole load of dust all yapping about Kylie, Madonna, muscle, Kylie, Madonna, muscle, oooh get her...
Now I realise why I've studiously avoided the place.
It made me feel so totally crap because you start to think, "maybe I'm not supposed to be gay."
I really don't care that much about Madonna's latest look and I really don't care that much about the penis size of the last person I shagged.
I do not shrill when I laugh. I do not air kiss. I cannot spend 20 minutes talking about Andrew Christian underwear.
Of all the guys in this place, is seems that that is the limit of their conversation.
Oh, I can't be bothered to talk about this anymore because I sound bitter and bitchy and bla bla...
Instead, I'm going to put on a Nine Inch Nails CD and lie in bed reading my book.
If you want to tell me to grow up and don't be such a whinger, I won't mind.
Sunday 13 April 2008
Bla bla
Written by Bobby Vanquish at around 22:55
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12 comments:
Grow up and don't be such a whinger.
Seriously, you're mature enough and been around enough to know there are lots of types of gay people. I've been to Profile. It's horrible. But I think Tiger Tiger (its straight equivalent) is horrible too. Maybe XXL isn't right for you either. But come on, saying "maybe I'm not supposed to be gay" on the basis of one bar?
I'm older than you and fatter than you. There are lots of places I don't fit in. I'm still gay. And frankly, I don't care what anyone else thinks of me (OK, that's not quite true, but I don't care what anyone at Profile thinks of me)
you're not a whinger. you just have an iq higher than your age.
You're not the one that needs to grow up Bobby...
i too love NIN, but listen to trent reznor while reading? i couldn't do it.
here is santa barara we have one quasi gay bar: as in it is gay only once a week, is only one floor and we share it , even on gay night, with straights.
so come here and experience gay life in a small so/cal town, i promise you'll enjoy all the boys in mardas shorts, leather flips, polo shirts and a major lack of attitude.
peace,
tyler
What book are you reading?
I had a similar experience last night in West Hollywood when I went to Here Bar...it was so full of plastic; they all looked so vacuous and no one was dancing to the music. Everyone was all too busy standing around talking whilst the loud music blared at the bar; don't know how anyone could have a decent convo while there.
Okay maybe I need to stop whinging now! lol :X
So, what book are you reading?! LOL
Bry
Hey guy...
New to reading your blog from London Puppy.
I have been there where you are. It gets to the point when "being gay" overtakes people.
You realized that you are not defined by it. You realize that there are some many other things to talk about them muscles, Madonna... and you are looking for more.
You will get there, it is the growing up in the gay world and you will find those people who are like you and want more.
Have fun and be good...Cheers!
NIN is really not a sunday night mood lifter. Should at least have some Rufus Wainright so you can have a good cry about it.
What books currently on your night stand?
Given 70% of the world hates us for our difference, i'd have thought acceptance would be a little more common in gaysville than it actually is. I find it deeply depressing how gay's simply continue the cycle of exclusion by slagging other gay's who dare to be different to them. SO what there are gays as camp as christmas and gays as gruff as bears?
That diversity is exactly what I bloody love about being gay. Sure, i probably wouldnt end up in bed with either of the above but I am cetainly glad they exist.
Take a trip to The Joiners in hackney sometime, its where the various scenes collide. But bob's, leave the oh so boringly pradictable gay attitude at home. x
David: I guess I wasn't saying that I shouldn't be gay based on one bar but I did think that I felt completely out of place, whereas it should have been completely normal to me. And as far as I could tell, talking about Madonna and cock-size is all that gets discussed.
The one thing I do think though is that a lot of the problem is in my head. I still do need to get over what other people think of me, because actually, it doesn't matter at all...!
Yani: So you too can talk about things, other than Kylie and underwear!? ;-)
Tyler: Yea, I think that Reznor is actually very hot. Haha! Santa Barbara always remind me of the TV series. All of the cast, as I remember it, when they got booted off Loving, they ended up on Santa Barbara!
Ohmygod - whatever happened to Loving?!
fI: Flat Earth News by Nick Davies. It's a work book that I was given. I'm not going to say I'm not enjoying it because I am. It's basically about how the news today is all just advertising and we're all being spun what corporates want us to believe.
And it's not everyone was plastic or fake. It's just everyone was so one-dimensional.
Alpha: Hey, welcome. Thanks for the comment and I guess that's the most important point actually is that you can't let the masses who're packed into Profile define you. And I just think, I mean, I was talking to a guy who proudly told me he was a solicitor but then proceded to drone on about the last time he got involved in a threesome.
He then enquired about what I did, I said I work in TV and he then asked "so who is like the most famous person that you've ever met?"
Since he was a solicitor I should have just asked him "is it like Boston Legal or sumfing or nuffink?"
Anyway... thanks for visiting though!
Fleet: I'm reading the book I described above! I was too bored to even cry about it.
W: So this is a good comment. The first thing is, I know it's pathetic to slag people off who're different which is why it's slightly ridiculous that I'm slagging off the clientele at Profile.
But in converse, that's the point. If you can't shrill on endlessly about the gym, cock or Girls Aloud then there's not much else to talk about in a place like that. Perhaps I'm the one who's completely different. Which leads me onto the Joiners.
Now I should have actually had put this at the end of the post.
The Joiners is one of my favourite places in London. Just as the Green was in Islington before it closed.
Compare the preening that goes on in Profile to the genuine people who trawl about the Joiners every Friday night.
I remember once, at the Joiners, having a terribly meaningful conversation with someone about crap architecture or something really boring but I just kept thinking, "this is so funny because I don't actually know if you're a boy or a girl - but this is so much fun anyway." I think I may have even bought them a pint of beer.
Compare that to Profile, which I experienced on Saturday night.
There you wouldn't be talking about architecture but Kylie's backing dancers. And the person who you're talking to would probably be thinking "hmm... I wonder if his jacket is Nicole Fahri. Where does he gym? Oooh those shoes, are they Prada? Who cut his hair?" yadda yadda..
yadda yadda indeed. You just need to get to know some of these fashion/ pop talking gayboys. Take one under your wing, get to know them a little, before you write them off as generic.
A neurotic gym obsessed, tv producing, convertible driving, Vauxhall frequenting gay boy could also be seen as generic ;o)
b:
everytime i mention santa barbara, people think of the soap which i've never seen, btw.
real sb is as beautiful as the fake one in the series and we have our share of good looking men and women...that is for sure.
there are a lot of gays here, particularly lesbians for some reason, and most are really laid back and non-judgemental. and that has a lot to do with the small town setting, i would think. los angeles (where i grew up and often visit) is a lot more as you describe of your saturday night of last: lots of preening, self absorbed, artificial queens...always ready to judge.
t.
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