Hot gossip and other stuff

Fancy gossiping about someone you don't know?

Well his name his Jonathan and for a week he's sitting in the desks between me and Mighty Mouse.

Mighty Mouse is so-called because he's only about 5-foot. He also looks incredibly young which is why he hangs out at KuBar and Trash Palace.

Colleague - who I've had something with but we still get along well - has since had something with Mighty Mouse. Although I don't think Mighty Mouse knows.

Even though he is only 5-foot, Colleague says that Mighty Mouse is hung like a donkey. That's always the case when it comes to very small blokes, isn't it?

Colleague also said that Mighty Mouse fucks like a piston which I said was far too much information but the words still haunt me, everytime I speak to Mighty Mouse.

Anyway, so the gossip is about Jonathan.

I ask Mighty Mouse what he knows, he says nothing and I say 'ohmygod, listen to his!'

So Jonathan was once a complete gay. Like full-on, put-a-willy-in-your-mouth-and-play-Judy-Garland-to-me gay.

Except one day he announced that he was going to be straight. Just like that. It was astonishing. And now...

He's married!

He's the only person I've ever met who's inned themselves. But like completely inned themselves and walked down the aisle with someone in a dress who wasn't a bloke.

It fascinates me because he is a little weird too.

I look at him and I wonder if he still listens to Judy Garland and yearns after another man's ding-dong. I can't fathom that.

No, not the willy-wonka bit but the inning yourself.

Ohmygod, ohmygod - I just walked past his desk and he's looking at the Eurovision website.

Anyway - here's some gossip about someone you may know...

trautS arioM & tnemelC tS maP

Who'd have thought, apparently...!!

Finally - last night while I was losing my mojo at the gym I spotted a guy who I've seen a few times.

He, for me, is the canonical text of being gay. Like, how many times have you seen this transformation?

He started out quite plain, pale freckled skin and sandy-blonde hair.

He's quite thin and reedy but has managed to bulk up a little. He's now by no means a hulk but he looks okay.

In the old days he used to go dressed in a pair of shorts and a scruffy T-shirt.

And then he ditched the T-shirt and started to wear a white tank top with grey cargo pants.

And then a silver chain appeared around his ankle.

And then he grew a beard which he now keeps clipped.

And then he shaved his head.

And yesterday I noticed that he is in the process of getting a massive tattoo on his arm - one similar to this diagram which I have made as an illustration...

It's like sort of long leaves, all over his shoulder and across the back of his shoulder blade.

Some of the tattoo is lined without being coloured in.

He so totally fulfils the long-running perception of London gays who unshackle and throw themselves head-long into the gay scene.

One where QX magazine becomes their bible, Old Compton Street their runway and they end up spending every Sunday morning going from the club to the sauna.

We joke that they walk into the club looking like this...

And a few years later they come out looking like this...