So, here are some random pictures.
Firstly...
Is it really uncool to snap a photo of this woman's muffin?
Check the stomach overhang, man... She was on the tube, unaware and reading her book.
Over her belt it was cascading like the best Starbucks blueberry.
And then these two guys - a photo which I'd forgotten I'd snapped, again on the Tube. They were so drunk they did what all straight boys do, when pissed...
Yep, they removed their clothes - much to the amusement / annoyance of the other passengers.
The one on the left had his tracksuit pants fall to his ankles when he got off and of course fell all over the plaform laughing.
Do you know that that has been the most exciting thing in my lost for the last few days? It has been work, work, work...
I wish I had exotic stories of dirty sex and living on the edge but I don't.
Oh actually - not speaking of dirty sex - have you ever ended up sharing a gym changeroom with someone you work with?
It's very embarrassing, especially when that colleague has no shame in walking around naked.
We don't know each other that well but well enough for him to walk up to me and make small talk.
And on Sunday he's stood there, me in my gym clothes and he completely naked.
You will know this physique so well because it is Typical Male.
He is slightly overweight with white skin. He has hairy shoulders and a hairy stomach and his bush is totally au naturel. He is definitely straight because he recently got married.
But I just want to say to him, "mate I am happy to engage in small talk but not while you've got nothing on."
Straight guys are such a funny species. And this is based on my experience at the gym...
Straight guys are more than happy to wonder around completely naked. There are straights who even stand at the basins and shave, in the morning, without a stitch of clothing on.
While doing this their willys rest on the edge of the counter. Always be careful what you touch in change-rooms.
Ironically, when straight people drop things on the floor they are more than utterly comfortable with bending right over to pick them up. Like right over, legs straight and arse open.
The straights also have no objections to things like dirt and such. Straights do not wear flip-flops in the shower.
In the shower straights will happily use hand soap to wash their hair. Do they know much it dries their scalp out?!
And you can also tell a straight by the amount of time they spend arranging their hair.
The gays will put on some product, whizz it up and it's fine. Straights at the gym will stand there and adjust, brush and pull and isn't it funny that the straights can spend hours in front of the mirror admiring themselves.
And then you wonder, if given the chance would they happily sit and admire other men's bodies too?
So just how straight are they really?!
Monday, 7 April 2008
Hi, how are you. Dangle, dangle....
Written by Bobby Vanquish at around 19:58
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13 comments:
I need to add onto this - straights who dry their testicles with a hairdryer in the middle of said changing room. One quite high level on air talent from your employers current affairs department has been spotted performing this manouvre by a friend in a central london gym.
I think it also needs to be said that its normally the guys who you really don't want to see in the nuddie who are not shy.
Fleet: Ohmygod, ohmygod - who? who? Are they hot? Please don't tell me its Andrew Marr? Or Jeremy Paxman?
Current Affairs... hmm - and a guy? I guess that rules Fiona Bruce out.
haha. this sounds like something i saw on this tv show called unhitched. one of the characters kept running into this woman she worked with at her gym and she was always naked.
Dick: So this is the problem - because when I see him at the office and he says hello, instead of me thinking "oh, hullo", all I think is "your willy doesn't look too big and you really need to trim!"
Look how nonchalant all the fellow Tube riders are to the shirtless fella on the left injecting himself with heroin while the one on the right spits lyrics. Marvellous!
Bolt: Behind those people standing near the door is a couple doing some performance art installation-thing that required a douche, some red paint and a ceiling fan.
It's all on the Jubilee Line man, it's totally happening.
then why don't you just tell him that? i don't think he'd ever say hello to you again. that and his wife would be eternally grateful that someone finally told him what's what.
I have a little saying that I live by life by: "Always leave them wanting more".
So when you're in the gym always wear a towel and ... leave them wanting more...
I've noticed the same thing about some of the straights at my gym. If they're going to strut around naked, I wish they would do some grooming (i.e. groin, back, shoulders). I guess they don't realize (or don't care) that their penis would look bigger if they would trim and maybe they'd get more oral fun from the gf/wife.
And funny about the timing of this post because last night I went into the steam room and there was a straight sitting there showing everything...he was trimmed and it was a big one. So then another straight walks in and decides he is going to show everything and he too was trimmed and even bigger than the other one.
And of course I couldn't help but look. P.S. my gym is full of metrosexuals.
I don't think that being comfortable when naked has something to do with sexual orientation. I'm gay and I have no problem in being naked in the changeroom, whilst I know many straight that feels embarrassed of that.
For the most part, my gym is full of 18-22 year old students, many of whom play rugby etc, so the talent is good and the bodies are way above average for the straight population. They're not so comfortable being naked though. As always, the ones who walk about naked are the old, out of shape, married guys. :(
I was trying to figure out what she's reading.
R. A. Salvator: fantasy author best known for The DemonWars Saga, his Forgotten Realms novels and the controversial Star Wars: The New Jedi Order novel Vector Prime. (Thanks Wikipedia.)
I like to think Muffin Top's reading the controversial Vector Prime, although it's probably the more recent Orc King.
Dick: She probably would. I bet straight are as repulsed by it as gays are.
Wayne: Yes, that's a good way of thinking about it. It's like the food in the adverts always looks more tasty than when it's on the plate in front of you.
Timmy... how do you know that they were both straights? How do you know that the one didn't just follow you in, in the hope of it degenerating into a menage-a-steam. And you should always look. It's your duty. You'd be letting down the team if you didn't have a check-out.
Paolo: Yes - well. Do you walk around completely starkers and shave at the basins? Hmm.. maybe my theory needs checking again actually! ;-)
Graham: You're in a gym with young fit rugby players? Jeez mate, get in there, will you. I'm sure all of them would love to scrum down with Daddy G!
Frontier: Yeah, I've been trying to work out what Muffin was reading. It seemed like some fantasy book but ... I was too busy trying not to get caught while taking the photo actually!
Blueberry or poppy seed?
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