Pinch me

So I get up this morning and head for the gym.

Firstly I see Jack which immediately means I'm going to have a good day. "Who's Jack", you ask? I mentioned him here.

In short, Jack is the man I am going to marry but he doesn't know this yet. Well, he would be the man I'm going to marry if he's a bender. Right now I am 74% sure he is.

We cross paths while I'm at the watercooler and he says "hi". Fuck-me the week goes from good to fucken-amazing-ohmygod.

He's doing biceps so I decide to stalk him and do biceps too.

There is some close "ooh - sorry - just er, let me walk around you to get weights" moments which gets me all excited. Thank god I have shorts and underpants on and not the usual gym shorts with flimsy padding.

A while later he packs up his weights and leaves.

I look at the clock; 8.30am. My stalker-logic tells me that he obviously spends an hour in the gym so he gets there at about 7.30am. Tomorrow I'm setting the alarm for 7am.

I skip to work and spend most of the day writing my name with his imaginery surname.

I draw up the wedding plans, organise our guest-list and choose the song for our first dance.

There is one niggling problem though and that problem is aussieBum.

With the help of my accurate technical drawing I hope to illustrate just what happens.

Yes, I know they're cheap and nasty knickers and that they don't last long BUT! there's nothing worse than a pair that are on their way out.

Basically the elastic on the undercarriage, on either side of the crotch (indicated in the area in the purple circle) becomes loose which means that a small space develops between the knickers, your inner leg and your balls.

This results in it pinching every time you move whilst sitting down because the underpants shift with the movement, they pull in and then pinch you.

Does anyone else have this problem where you have to keep standing up to jiggle and try to unpinch yourself? It's really annoying.

With a looming Tube strike and clasping underpants I'm dreading the journey home.

Carriages packed to the rafters with people trying to get home while your underpants snap at your crown jewels.

I therefore decide to leave work early to avoid the chaos. I get home at about 3pm and realise that the mayhem's only due to start at around 6-ish.

The trip home is made all the better because the Tube is empty but mainly because in front of me is stood a cute guy with a lovely, perky ass.

It's the most pinchable butt I've seen in a long time.

And I bet his knickers aren't writhing all over the place.

So Monday's been a really good start. If things go this well hopefully by Wednesday I'll be waking up in Jack's bed and by Saturday he'll have moved in.

Of course then I can wear his underwear to test if they pinch too. I bet they don't.