A problem shared

Posting my experience at the sauna was a very surreal experience because I haven't told anyone about it before. It's odd to share something so personal with the whole world.

It's always strangely addictive - and, as always, thank you again for listening.

It was shortly after I turned 21 until I left South Africa at 25 years old that my life spun completely out of control.

Looking back on it now I can laugh at some of the things I did like, one night I was at a party and got bored, was absolutely shit-faced so of course decided to drive home.

I didn't recall what I'd done until the next morning when I realised that I'd driven all the way back to my parents house and parked on the front lawn.

The worst of it was that all the way down the side of the car, from the driver's window towards the boot, was a trail of vomit.

Obviously while driving fast down the motorway I'd stuck my head out of the window to be sick and hadn't quite made it clear of the car.

Looking back too I also have to look up to heaven and thank God that I'm still alive.

I had a horrific car accident, again partly because I was drunk, thankfully the South African police were too thick to breathalyse me. The car that I was in was so badly damaged you couldn't tell what make of car it was.

I smashed it so hard that it had to be put on the back of a truck and moved because it couldn't be towed. I had to climb out of the boot because none of the doors would open.

When I was back in South Africa in March this year, nearly five years after it happened, I visited the spot where it occurred and there are still gouges in the tarmac.

I remember using someone's mobile, a passer-by, to call my dad who came and had his camera in the car at the time.

There are photos of the scene which I still have difficulty looking at but I'll get over it to share them.

When I get round to telling this story I'll show you the injuries too.

But listen, I'm not going to be some pious cunt about the whole thing - how I was bad but learnt so now I am good. Sometimes my life still derails spectacularly - albeit momentarily.

At a family wedding earlier this year my dad took this photo after my sister and I had been out on the lash. I'd passed out drunk on a couch in the hotel foyer.

It's not really how you should be treating a hired car.

So I'm going to lie back on the recliner and begin to let it all come out.

At least this way I know that I'm going to save a packet on therapists' bills when I skid into my midlife crisis at 40!