I dare you...

So I took my my gun* to work to fire off a few incase I got bored but thankfully I didn't need to use it.

Well I nearly did. One colleague came in wearing mixed prints so I thought a clean shot to the head would be an act of mercy really.

In the end I spared them.

Whatever. The most exicting incident of the day happened this morning at the gym.

So I'm there, getting changed into my kit.

A bench down is a guy who I see every morning. He is, quite simply, my wet dream.

We're usually there at the same time and he uses the same locker, near to the one I use every day.

"Fuck it - do you know last week I left my trainers here and somebody stole them. I suspect it was the cleaner because I saw him around my stuff when the shoes disappeared."

Oh. My. Fucking. God. Wet dream has just spoken to me.

My heart starts doing goddam somersaults.

"Shit man, that's crap - so was it the cleaner?", I ask.

And for the next few minutes he talks to me, mostly about how he suspects the cleaner stole his shoes.

He's standing there in his gym shorts with no top on. I just want to grab him and lick him.

I really can't concentrate on what he's saying because in my mind all I can hear is "fiiiiit....". "You are so fucking fiiiiiit."

By this stage he has stripped to a towel and I have a hard-on. He leaves to shower, parting with "have a good session, mate."

Fuck fuck fuck. I immediately have to weigh up the pros and cons.

Pro:
He's gay and he fancies me. Why else would be start up the most inane conversation?
Con:
He's straight and he thought I was too. He thinks I'm a normal straight person because if I wasn't there he'd have had this conversation with the hairy guy who has B/O.

Pro:
He's gay because he's got a tan although there are some lines on his back which shows he's been out in the sun recently with a vest on. Brighton Pride perhaps?
Con:
He's straight because gay guys never have dodgy tan lines.

Pro:
He's gay because he's clipped his "path to glory", or whatever you call it - the line of hair on your stomach to your crotch.
Con:
He clipped his stomach hair because he knows it shows off his sixpack better.

Pro:
He's so fucken fit he must be gay.
Con:
He's so fucken fit because he plays lots of sport and his girlfriend is er, active too.

At the moment I am 60% sure he's straight. Maybe 55%.

Whatever though, come Monday morning I am going to be there, bright-eyed and bushy tailed, ready to carry on the conversation.

The reason work was not so dull today was because I sat making the cards to our civil ceremony and planning our honeymoon to the Maldives. Where he will lie in the jacuzzi all day so that I can lick him. Like here, for example...

I don't know what his name is so I am going to call him Jack. I really hope there's a lot more to tell you about him. Please God.

And this is where you come in. To completely tempt fate I am launching a challenge.

You have to complete the sentence: "If Bobby shags Jack then Bobby (me) must...."

Your suggestions please. Everything will be seriously considered, from "running down Oxford Street naked" to "posting a video of himself jerking off on X-Tube". Please leave a comment with your filthiest suggestion.

* = I don't really have a gun but sometimes I wish I had. Just to liven things up a bit.

And I reckon I'll see Jack again on Monday morning because tomorrow and Friday I'm going up-country to do some work. I haven't seen him at the gym on the weekend. Therefore, roll on Monday morning!

Bobby's Dodgy Music Collection CD #9

The B-52s rock. Period. Their music instantly puts me in a good mood and I love singing along to it.

They were doing fabulosa glam pop long before the Scissor Sisters came along.

Cosmic Thing is my favourite album and while I've been writing this post I've been listening to the title track and Channel Z.