White picket fences

I have to meet friends for lunch at The Box in Covent Garden; 2 straight girls and two gay boys (not a couple). They're all mates from back in South Africa so it's always nice to catch up.

God knows who chose The Box but it's the first I've been there in about three years and (as if by magic) the service is pretty rubbish.

Aside: There are three requirements which would qualify you, should you wish to work at The Box. First, you shouldn't have a clue what food / a menu is. Secondly you should have big muscles and a skin condition and third is not a necessity at all but English should not be your first language. In fact the less English you can speak, the better.

All our food was wrong and the drinks were mixed up. I had the tuna salad (which they did get right) and was so scared our waitor / Pedro / Agador Spartacus was going to spit in it, I just smiled from ear to ear continuously.

Anyway, this isn't supposed to be a restaurant review... so we start talking about a couple who we all know from Cape Town.

They've been in a relationship for like 10 years and I have to say that they were quite smug about it.

They really projected this image of happily "married" domesticated bliss. It was a bit nauseating but there.

However.

It turns out that one-half of the couple was actually playing away quite regularly at the local sauna.

One evening things got a little heavy and there wasn't a condom involved and then it turns out that the other-half was playing away too (at the same sauna, and they never bumped into each other)!

There were AIDS tests which turned out to be negative, thankfully, and now they've gone being from this smug luvvie-duvvie pair to basically being an open relationship and trawling Gaydar as and when necessary.

What sort of a relationship is that?

The obvious reaction is the question; "can a gay relationship ever be 'white picket fences?'"

Before this gets too depressing though - here's a thought.

Graham, who's in our group was in a three / four / ?-year relationship that broke down and he said the best thing I have heard in a long time.

His hypothesis is this:

If you're in a relationship with another guy you have to keep it new and fresh and sexy and fun. If you can, at the very least you should never even share a bed let alone live together.

Graham reckons that as soon as you start doing everything together i.e. living / sleeping / eating / socialising everything will start to go downhill because basically you'll just morph into your boyfriend.

Ultimately this means that one of the most important aspects (sex) will become boring because it would just be like having sex with yourself in which case you might as well wank.

That's when the temptation of Gaydar / saunas / open relationships creeps in.

I think that's a really good hypothesis. I like it and am going to apply it, hopefully in the not-too-distant future.

Moving on.

Did you know that I have a very good friend in California? Yep, he's the hottest thing in the world and nearly every day he sends me an e-mail.

I really like him because he's so generous and I know that he sends these e-mails to me and me only.

I know that when he writes them he has me in mind and that he sends them with love and light.

What do you think of my friend? He's a fitness instructor called David Rich. You like?

Because Dave (or "Coochy-coo", as I like to call him) sends me his personalised work-out tips everyday, I bet he reads my blog and hangs onto each word I write.

So come on, Dave - be a sweety and send us a picture of your eyes for the compilation I'm making.

And David's not the only one - you have to send me a picture of your eyes too... here's a guide to the why and the wherefore.

bobby.vanquish AT gmail DOT com.