Burn out

There is an upside to being officially burnt out...

Friends come and visit at regular intervals but when they get boring you can feign fatigue, start to fall asleep and then they leave.

Katie came around to cook lunch and used our wok. It hasn't been touched since we bought the thing two years ago.

Anyway, Katie told me this awful story about a guy who she knows in South Africa. In fact the story's actually about the guy's mum.

It's true and could only happen in South Africa, so get this; this guy's mum started having an affair with their gardener.

Incidentally, all rich white people in South Africa have guys to look after the garden - repellent South Africans call them garden-boys even though they're usually in their 40s.

One of our gardeners - my parents' garden is enormous and there was always a minimum of two guys at any one time - anyway, one of them was called Franz Holland which proved endlessly amusing when my parents were pissed.

But I digress.

So this guy's mum started to have an affair with the gardener. Anyway, it turns out that he had AIDS and within a year the mother had died from it.

Except, no-one figured it out until the autopsy.

Prior to the death though, the husband carried on, the wife never said anything, they shagged and now the husband has AIDS too.

The gardener is still alive and was working for the husband after his wife died.

The husand only found out after the gardener had to leave his employment to tend to his sick wife who had AIDS. One of the women in the wife's bookclub told the husband just who his wife had been sleeping with!

Try writing that into the script of Desperate Housewives.

One in nine South Africans has AIDS. It is the scourge of the country. The sorry thing is, that this type of story is far too common.

Anyway - onto something far more trivial. You wanna know why I'm exhausted? Check this out...

The chorus goes something like (from left to right):

8 Gakic in the morning with a Berocca. Then at the gym 6 Leukic.
After work-out we have Adidas soap for body, Molton Brown for body scrub and then wash face with Dettol soap.
Face is then bathed in Boots No. 7 moisturiser, E45 goes on the body
Nivea for Women for the underarm (because it doesn't smell)
Disinfectant sprayed into shoes with athletes foot powder
An hour before eating, 3 thermogenic tablets
Then a milk thistle triplet to keep the liver going
Silica 500 keeps bones and joints intact
Fish liver oil and Centrum provide extra nutrients
At bedtime we brush with enamel enhancer because my teeth are whitened and then we swill with Total Care Bionic Power Anti-Fungal Listerine.
Finally we powder the sleeping socks with Mycil to kill any trace of germs before we start with the Gakic again...

And so begins another day in Bobbyland.