As you may know, I'm throwing out a load of emotional trash in my life and it's proving quite difficult.
Well, difficult in the sense that, for the last two nights in a row I've had some really bad dreams as a result. Odd.
I mentioned to you that the reason I managed to got into these sometimes outrageous (pathetic) situations was because of my job. I was on the telly, sometimes on radio and as a result in newspapers and magazines.
I don't think I was famous at all or at least it never felt that way. Or it never seemed like it until I was asked for my autograph.
It's weird when it happens. It was the opening of a shopping centre (where the fuck else?) and I was standing chatting to someone when this middle-aged woman came up with a book and a pen.
Whatever.
Last night I pulled out an old scrapbook I haven't looked at since I moved house, which was November 2005.
Misty water-coloured memories etc. Here's a selection:
Being totally Z-list meant I had to attend a bunch of wankey parties. This is in the social pages of a magazine when I was one of the "celebrity" judges at some beauty competition.
I'm the blue blobs.
Every year a famous South African winery has an auction and this is another shleb-pages pic. Me? On a fucking wine farm at a wine auction? I probably made an complete arse of myself.
Some famous British chef came out to do some bollocksy promotion and I was the er, dunno really. I was in the ads for it!? I told you, this really is like attack of the Z-listers!
I always thought this was a fucken insult actually, i.e. they chose me because I looked like someone who enjoyed their food. Nowadays I don't eat.
Yeah, check this one out... on the front of a newspaper. They'd done some interview with me and it was obviously a slow news day because they stuck my picture on the front page.
And finally one of my proudest moments, relatively speaking...
I got to interview a famous clothes-horse (model). The little photo is with with the model holding the magazine. She signed it for me. I know she probably wanted to sleep with me too. Obviously.
Listen, sorry about the blue smudges and the white smudges. I wanted kind-of share them with you so that you can get a sense of things.
Maybe I should just put all the clippings up uncensored, then I could ask people who I knew at the time "was I drunk / fucked / did I behave amorally at this function?"
At least it would save me a fuckload of typing.
Thursday 29 November 2007
Column inches
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8 comments:
Thank fucking Christ when I was younger and infmaous that I didnt drink, do drugs or otherwise get int too much trouble (apart from being a total pretentios twat)
so now these days no one would ever be the wiser
not sure about putting the piccies up unblurred, I think you would be better off still keeping your anonymity for now!
Drew: Anonymity is best though - I'm hardly Googleable though. I did make sure of that before I started this. Besides, it was more than 5 years ago. The internet wasn't invented then, was it?
Yeah, drink and drugs and infamy can really fuck you up. You were lucky!
Bobby : I was in SA during the time of all these celeb happenings and really curious now. Were you a KTV presenter? Go on give us a clue?
im really intrigued as to who the model is?x
Kail & Edd.D: I didn't think that when I started to do this it would be kinda more interesting if I told you who I was(n't).
Maybe I should have thought about more about it but I didn't.
I really hope you understand that I'm not comfortable saying with who I was. I just wanna tell the stories and get them off my chest...
I know it seems more interesting if you knew who I was or exactly what but please understand that I can't say.
Maybe one day someone will read the sordid stories (there are loads more) and will turn them into something interesting. Who knows.
Maybe then it will be somewhat therapeutic to admit that "I am the person who did all that" but until then I really want to just be anonymous.
Times change and so do attitudes so who knows...
Bob x
I say keep the blue bloxes. Better for your anonymity, if you want to keep it, and we don't need to know more than what you're willing to tell us.
Strange that you kept a scrapbook though.
Oliver: I kept a scrapbook because at the time it was all about me, my ego etc. It seems weird to look back on it because I don't recognise me in a lot of the pictures.
It seems like it was another life somewhere in a galaxy far away.
I really like the anonymity of it (fitting, I know). I am generally very skeptical about this kind of thing, and having you keep important details private relieves some of that because it makes your motives seem more sincere. Not to mention, I'm sure it's better for your own emotional health if you say these things without worrying about whether or not they will come back to haunt you.
Anyway, as always, thanks for sharing. Are you planning on recounting how you got out of this cycle after you've told the 12+ stories, or will you just stop there and go back to talking about toilets and the gym? :P Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I was just wondering since I would be very interested to read about your "recovery".
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