One more chance

Oh, I'm trying to be upbeat I really am, despite everything being pulled in the opposite direction.

For example
1/ I've just learned today that I'm going to be working on the following days: 25, 26, 27 and 28th December.

2/ I've lost my wallet somewhere.
(If I knew where it was I wouldn't have lost it, incase you were about to ask "when did you have it last?" as my mother would...)

3/ The fit, beautiful guy at the gym (who I've named Rory), the one who I nearly gave the note to, was there again tonight and I just couldn't pluck up the courage to say anything to him. Fuck.

Number three in this list upsets me more than numbers one and two do combined.

We were both sat there on benches doing arms and I glanced at him and he glanced at me. And I just got such butterflies in my stomach I don't know why I couldn't just say "hey, mate".

I can't believe I bottled it for a second time. I know I say this every time but maybe it will be third time lucky.

The music's on and I nearly explode into laughter / burst into tears because he's so fit and sitting right next to me and this fucking anguished Tori Amos dance remix starts playing.

There's serious tension between us (both trying not to look at each other) and all I can hear is "this is not really happening...! you bet your life it is... this is not reee-lllee a-happppeninnggggg..... you bet your life it is... you. bet. your. life..."

I feel like that fucken singing nun who's standing next to the Captain and instead of saying to him "I wanna shag your brains out" all that comes out of her mouth is "high-on-the hill was lonely goat-herd yodel-ayyy yodel yoo!"

Maybe I should fashion some gym clothes out of a pair of old curtains and go skippity around the gym. It seemed to work for bloody Maria.

I am running out of chances. I have to just say hello and I don't know why I just cannot bring myself to do it.

It's easy to sit here now, with a clear mind and say 'the next time I promise I will...', but it's another thing completely when he's sat next to you and you open your mouth and your heart leaps into your throat.

Come on Bobby, just fucking do it, for God's sake!