Yesterday evening I though I'd just let it all hang out.
There are a lot of people who know different stories but not one person knows all of them. I guess, in a way, that's how I've managed to get away with how I behaved.
However, I've started a tab called 'Confess' which will link all my admissions in the same place. I'm nervous and apprehensive about doing this but fuckit.
What happens is I start to remember one story and it triggers another. It all happened between 2000 and the very beginning of 2003.
I've started to make a list of the particularly hideous moments and I'll work through each of them, one by one.
This is just to remind me of each story as I go along. As I trawl up each one, so I'll link them to this list.
1/ Substances for sex is here
2/ Suburban TV shag
3/ Catatonic at dinner
4/ Rent with the yapping mobile
5/ Sunday morning sleaze (mutiple rents)
6/ Banging the door down for work
7/ Clapped out
8/ Studio zonked
9/ Watching muscles
10/ Good-bye Mr S
And just as I've finished that so more comes to mind.
11/ Slopping of drunk for sex...
12/ Bushes at the station
Let's start with number 1; Sex and substances.
The thing that makes this so trashy is that I had forgotten about it / blotted it out. Someone found me via someone else on Facebook and I got a message saying "ohmygod - it's you! Remember me?"
Usually if they're from Cape Town (mainly) this message will make my heart sink. We'll call the guy who sent the message "PR's friend".
So what happened was there was a group of us that were due to appear at a club's birthday party. (Oh fuck, I've just thought of another story, number 12...)
We'd been paid, about six of us to appear.
One of the guys I recognised because he was the face of a shopping chain in South Africa (that's another story), the other was a famous male model. I think there was a Big Brother contestant thrown in for good measure too.
I got pretty drunk from the outset - all of us "important people" crammed into the VIP lounge with free booze.
It wasn't long before the male model approached me. As the loudest, most arrogant one he probably though I would have access to various substances.
The male model was apparently famous (and fucken gorgeous) so how could I not say "let me see what I can organise." He was definitely straight.
I put the word out that I was looking for some "stuff" and it isn't long before one the PR's friends said he had and was willing to share.
The PR's friend was middle-aged, fat, camp and I'm sure had a toupee. He had also been sweating a lot and white a loose-fitting white shirt, untucked. Get the picture?
There's no other way to put this so here's what happened.
The PR's friend said he fancied me and had seen me at a previous event. He said he was willing to share his stash on one condition. The condition was that he could blow me.
And that's what he did, in the parking lot at the back of the club.
(Not that you really need to know this but he insisted I cum in his face.)
Afterwards he handed me a folded-up piece of paper, I went back inside and handed it to the male model who became my new best friend. For about a minute.
By now I was drunk, sordid and the PR's friend would not fucking leave me alone. He spent the entire evening in my personal space, touching me, joking and putting his arm around me as if it was his right. And given what had happened, what else could I do?
The model and his girlfriend had fucked off, obviously.
Thankfully I left and didn't throw away my last ounce of dignity by going home with the PR's friend, despite him begging and offering more substances. What a pig.
The next morning I must have woken up in my flat alone, fat, depressed and probably went out and gorged on McDonalds. And so the cycled continued.
Wednesday 28 November 2007
Substances for sex
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
9 comments:
It's amazing to me that you're able to talk about this. I had a similar experience, except I was in my teens and it was with a sketchy man who was about 30 years older than I was at the time, but the end goal was still drugs. I haven't been able to bring myself to tell anyone the story in full; I think the most I've told is just an encounter with the much older man, and that is only to my very closest friends. I guess you're just a lot less fucked up about/from it than I am, which is needless to say really good.
Anon: Start a blog and tell it. Write and tell it.
That's what happened with me. I was writing silly stories about someone who'd left a toilet in my road and then two nights ago I just thought fuck it - there's a massive chuck of my life that just I haven't come to terms with.
I literally started by remembering about three or four stories and then the whole lot started to come to mind.
It's amazing how you really do file things away never to be disturbed again. Until you want to.
If you do decide to tell the story - please lemme know. I'd be interested to read it.
It's brave writing, Bobby. I hope it is good to vent and get it out. I think it can help, but it will fu*k you up a bit too, so take it easy on yourself. Always there to chat.
Must be hard to go through all those old stories, but at least this one could have been worse. He could have asked you to suck him instead.
Even though it's hard to bring up the past, but it's always therapeutic. You just need to take your time and not push it.
Hey A... yeah - I dunno if it's good to air all these things, I really don't. I really really don't.
I guess if I didn't write them here I would probably not tell anyone else. And maybe they would just be forgotten and maybe they would continue to drag me down in some way. Somehow I think it's good to unburden.
Maybe it's not the best way to do it to a bunch of people I don't know. Maybe this is the best way because whatever the judgement - fuck it, you don't know me and may never either.
We'll see what happens.
So I can't say that I've read everyone else's comments, but this is my piece...
Where else would you air out your laundry like this? If not with your friends, so be it with strangers? I mean it's theraputic in all respects, but I don't see anything wrong with it though.
Okay I want to wrte a more thought out response but my cold is not agreeing with me, but you get my point. If you can't be honest while anonymous, then when can you be? No one will tie it back to you unless they know you in real life; and if that is the case, so be it, it gives you something to talk about, it lets you air out the past so you can move on from it (but you've already moved on). So as you said, "fuck it" and just do it (Nike...okay lame, I know).
Kudos though Bobby! I need to air out my laundry about my parents confronting me this past Sunday and me haphazardly coming out to them!...Oy!!!
-Bry
the things we do for 'Frank' - can actually visulise the dirty man, we've all seen that man!!
Wish I could bring myself to confess! Nice posts, I'm hooked!
daze: haha - yeah, i don't know if his name's Frank or Gerald. but they're both the same! gives me the shivers now.
Evol: Post, post - please! And there are a lot more stories to come... I promise.
Post a Comment