This morning, after a long day at work yesterday, the doorbell goes to wake me up.
The postman has a large package for me, which he handles so well. Can we all admire my large package please...
"Ooh, nice package. Gosh, what a large package etc.."
This padded envelope contains underwear and swimming costumes I ordered for Seth Efrika, which has taken a bloody long to arrive. It's from Australia which means only one thing...
These aussieBum trunks are here!
Whoop, whoop.
Now, from this point on you're going to have to avert your eyes at some points if you're a little squeamish.
So in the picture above we see the pair of trunks I ordered as they appear in the online catalogue. But do they look like that in real life?
Well yes, but... (please excuse the legs, they need clipping I know)
You can see my goddam religion!
I was going to show you what the second pair looks like but they're even worse.
There is absolutely no padding in them. Actually, fuckit - here is the second pair:
I'm sorry to disappoint the poor fuckers who'll be waiting for me on Clifton Beach but there is absolutely no way I am wearing these in public.
Can you imagine?! A half a millimetre of cloth saves you and your modesty. This picture is so close-up because in proportion it looks even more explicit.
Even so, you can quite obviously see two peaches and a banana!
I think I'm going to have to go back to the drawingboard with regards swimming costumes.
This is fine, because I did budget time for reassessments and adjustments.
I just think, unless you have a body like this guy below, there should be a moratorium on wearing pants like that in public. And I think that extends to me too...
Hmm... and looking at this guy and then my picture at the top makes me think I need to do legs.
So anyway, on a scale of 1 to 10, we're set 6 for swimwear and 9 for underwear...
No, no... don't you worry. I will say it...
Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay; Bobby you are so fucking gay.
Finally, on the Gay Scale I think also this post is the gayest post ever on my whole entire blog. Which makes it pretty fucken gay.
This is because there is:
Showing off
Unnecessary sexual innuendo (postman handling package etc.)
Partial nudity
"Designer" underwear
Some element of self-loathing.
Tomorrow we will ungay things slightly...
Saturday, 9 February 2008
Stop winking at me
Written by Bobby Vanquish at around 11:08
Related posts: The Trunks
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16 comments:
Utterly fagulous sweetie
No, No, No! More gay, please!
We need pictures of the obscene trunks from the rear, profile and three-quarter views before we can dismiss them outright. But definitely have a "boyzilian" before you hit the beach.
Following on from this how do we get less gay? Bumming other lads?
Your close up looks like you've already stained them at the top - must be how the light is catching them.
What is the backup plan for swimwear?
Ohhhh I couldn't resist....
I told you so!
I would love to see you wear those speedos at the gym pool! AHah!
Yes, why weren't we treated to all the same shots per the Aussiebum model?! hehehe
Wow...Those are some racey skivvies! I wonder how they look wet?! :X
Bry
Two peaches and a banana?
It seems that someone has a high opinion of his fruit.
sorry but those trunks are hideous (SATC, good on paper, bad in bed), the briefs are hot tho,
Two grapes and a minature cocktail weiney.. hehehehee
"Showing off
Unnecessary sexual innuendo (postman handling package etc.)
Partial nudity
"Designer" underwear
Some element of self-loathing."
Sometimes, it frightens me how accurately you hit the nail on the head.
If the water is cold no one will know if your Jew or Gentile. Really, what did you expect? What an odd color for swimwear. Maybe the shade would be better on a person of color?
Nevertheless, you do you look damn hot!
nice set of fruit Bobby.
W: Luva ya honey. Mwha!
Fleet: I have back-up swimwear which is fine - i have to buy them though. I have seen them in the shop window... will show you them once i have them. And I hope there isn't a stain on them - i've only just put them on.
unless of course the stain is from the model who had them before me. THen it's fine.
Andrea: The gym pool was going to the first place I tried them out. But now I don't think so. It would scare the children. THey would cry and run to their mummies. You're allowed to "I told you so..."
fI: I don't wonder what they look like wet - I dread to think!!
Bolt: Haha - haven't heard of the word boyzilian but it's funny.... I must use it every five minutes. It's my new best word.
Stephen: I'm hardly like to say "check out my chipolata and two peanuts", surely... (this blog isn't scientific)
Edd.d: Yes - good on paper and disastrous in real life.
Anon: hahahahahhaha. er.
Stephen: It's not a difficult recipe to follow ;-)
CJ: the plan was that when you get a tan, it kinda looks like you're naked when you wear them. I thought that that would look quite hot.
But thanks though
Victor: Thanks matey...(I could go on about tastes lovely, succulent etc. but that would be lame. So I won't.)
jesus bob, were u planning to lose a pair of frocks out on the town each nite... enough stock there boyo!
leave the gold trunks on the car seat when u out and about then them buggers wont steal your car in town...hehe
hmmm...that really IS a gay post.
I'm with CJ, what an odd color.
Don't know that you need a boyzilian but a touch up here and there might be a good idea. I happen to like a guy with some hair on his legs and tummy.
PS Thanx for the close-up. :-)
Seahorse: they're not gold, they're supposed to be chocolate! which what the website said.
Timmy: It's off the scale in terms of gayness!
And in this post I tidied up:
http://bobbyvanquish.blogspot.com/2008/02/sunday-spit-roasting.html
and they look a lot better.
And i'm not a fan of too much hair which why it is mostly clipped. That is sexy though...
chocolate, gold, pink...darlink when pissed everyfink pretty....
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