Internet speed in Africa was never going to be good.
My parents are very proud of their new internet router thingy which even has the word "mega" on the side. I don't think the irony is intentional.
However...
As you know, the trip here was a nightmare, made only slightly better when Virgin Atlantic decided I was worthy of an upgrade.
Can I just blow my own for one moment?
Bitches, I am the King (You mean" Queen", surely?) of blagging upgrades. Get this statistic:
Four flights to Cape Town
Each flight has been booked Economy or Premier Economy.
All four have been upgraded to Club World / Upper Class / First.
So I'm sat in 12G and before the aircraft even takes off I have made friends with Helen the onboard masseur and Nina, a really sweet trolley-dolly.
The way you make friends with the dollies is very fucken easy.
When one of them comes over to ask if everything's okay you have to be shameless and say something like "if you're really good you'll get me the number of the hot man over there..."
This immediately says to them:
1. You're gay (all their best friends really are gay)
2. You're a bit trashy (like them) and are up for a bit of a laugh
3. Er, that's it
What happens next is that they love you and are happy to pour you as much alcohol as you can drink.
I think I was pissed before the plane even took off. At 10.30am.
By the time we were over the Sahara I was absolutely paraletic.
I don't remember much else other than landing, getting off the plane and it being very hot.
Today I:
Woke up with a furious hang-over
Sat by the pool at home
Moved inside when Herbert, the gardener, started mowing the lawn near the pool
Arranged a few meet-and-greets with friends
Went back to the pool after Elizabeth, the cleaner, started vacuuming under my feet
Went to gym.
Ohmygod, ohmygod. I've signed up and been to the gym. One visit I could write a book. Or a blog.
But just to mention, because you're probably thinking the worst...
Yes, we have a cleaner who comes five days a week. My mother insists on having two actually. And yes, Herbert is the gardener.
This is South Africa, everyone has staff.
I have a whole bunch of pics I wanna show you but this internet connection is buckling under the stress of the text that I'm typing into Blogger.
I think the whiff of a JPEG would send it into a fucken flatspin.
But let's see what we can organise. Hang on a bit...
Thursday 21 February 2008
Hang 10
Written by Bobby Vanquish at around 20:20
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5 comments:
your holiday sounds fucking fab bobby. i'm so jealous! too bad i won't be having a decent holiday anytime soon, though i'm planning to go to europe next year (can't wait!).
Capetown is on my list of places to visit so I will anxiously await more details and pics from your visit. And good for you for getting the upgrades! That's how I made my way to and from SYD.
gald you're having a good time. could a keptun fling be in your future?
Davey: yeah - so I haven't had a holiday for months so it's bloody marvellous. you know the feeling it seems
Timmy: I wanna stick up some pics but the damn PC is so slow... and upgrades are like little treasures - I think they're so brilliant because it's like they've chosen you - and andonly you! it's like a special prize.
Dick: I'm on holiday - so it's not unlikely!
last time I flew firstclass was from St Lucia to Paris, and I can safely say I was fucked of my face on Champers at 7:30am -high altitude hangover by lunch - not pretty, its so true tho, you gay it up on a plane and as far as the staff are concerned you are the second coming.
Have a great trip, and I want lots of pics damit.
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