Picture Bobby 1

So we finally crank up the Mac to work which is bloody marvellous. It means picture time...!

I can write a whole load of bollocks but let's be honest - pictures are far more interesting. Here's the first batch.

Check out the plane which I reckon they wheeled out when they saw me approaching.

Can you get any more gay than a plane named after ABBA?

Er, yes you can.

Watching Kath & Kim on a plane called Dancing Queen while pissed on G&Ts is about as gay as it gets.

And what the hell do you take me for? Yes, of course I nicked the glass...

(Can I say, in my defence, that I'd forgotten that I'd put it in my suitcase until I was unpacking the morning after. Not that being absolutely shit-faced is an excuse but...
Yes, I know that stealing is wrong but if they get cross then I will give it back.)

I think at this point I'd woken from my stupor as it became apparent that we were about to cross the equator, which means more champagne!

There really was a hot guy up near the front of the plane. I think that's his head - or maybe it was the guy next to him. I don't really remember...

So that was getting here... and what does one do in the sun at 32C for three weeks?

One sits here for some of the time doing fuck all.

After the pool was built my mother insisted it needed a rockery and a fountain.

That's all fine except that it means is that poor Herbert, the gardener, has to spend every second day fishing the leaves out of the pool with the scoop.

Finally at home and this is the view from the back of my parents house...

Of course they're my parents and so I don't want to judge them but I think it's fucking outrageous that we employ a man to come every day, of which half is time is spent fishing the leaves out of the swimming pool.

And there are people, who're in areas we can see from our balcony, who live in squatter shacks without running water and proper sanitation.

South Africa is a beautiful, breathtaking but deeply troubled and troubling country.

More pics to come shortly...