Where's the baby?

I am so tired that I fell asleep while standing up on the Tube on the way home from work this afternoon.

Losing grip, it was the sound of my iPod crashing onto the carriage floor that woke me up.

The smash of the plastic protective covering coming loose got me awake and startled everyone else nearby. I don't know why it amuses me when that happens.

People are so jumpy.

There's not much to tell really (I am so exhausted I'm falling asleep now) so instead, hands up who hands Bobby's Picture Gallery?

Yey, yey, yey!

Here are some of the pics I've snapped over the last few days.

Is this not the most trashiest licence plate you've ever seen? The number is CD5 1CAN except they've arranged the font so that it spells "COS I CAN".

It was pasted on a garish red Audi TT.

I reckon the person who owns this car is an tanorexic female estate agent who wears Dolce & Gabbana but can't hold a knife and fork properly.

This person is three simple letters: N.Q.U.

I think this was the day before Christmas Eve. It was so foggy it stayed like this all day. Two words describe this type of weather; De. Pressing.

Hello! Where the fuck is the baby? What the fuck is the story with this? It was just lying there.

Maybe the mother was a hideous garish woman (i.e. the Audi owner) and the baby thought "what a fucken creature is this bitch who's pushing me around" and maybe the baby made a run for freedom?! Huh?

This is the best thing about staying in London over Christmas. Most people have fucked off by Christmas Eve so each bag of your shopping gets its own seat on the Tube.

Yes, my gym togbag is asking me to pass it a copy of the Metro behind me.

So this is the set from my Christmas movie which you watched here.

Do you have any idea how long it took to get all that tomato sauce off the fucking doors?

And check the psychotic hand print on the door on the right-hand side. See, we go to great lengths to make things look realistic at Bobby's Movie Studio.

In one of the snippets in the movie we see bloody pouring over the lens of the mobile phone camera.

Basically put the phone under a glass dish in the bath and pour. Another goddam mess. I tell you - the bathroom still stinks of Ragu.

Oh yeah - and finally...

Have a look at this stack of hot mess.

The doe-eyed stare and that stomach is hot.

I would like this gentleman to share my bed with me so if you know who he is please could you send him along. Thanks, as always.

I'm off to bed and go and wait...