Step kick ball-change knee kick

Today was much better than the dog's breakfast that was yesterday, thank you to whoever listened to my plea.

I had to sit for about four hours in a theatre while we were filming something. There, sat in the dark at the back, as the company rehearsed on stage, I got really emotional.

My mum's a professional dance choreographer and I would spend hours sat at the back of this theatre in Cape Town doing my homework and drawing pictures of cars.

This while my mum would sit at the front screaming and shouting at these men and woman in lycra.

My school books were always full of glitter and the occasional sequin. There were always costumes draped over just about every chair at home.

The biggest production my mum worked on was A Chorus Line. Sometimes she would dance in the final number herself to make up the numbers if they were odd.

I can still hear her in my head going "step, kick goddamit!" Or "girls, kick like you mean it".

When all the other kids had to recite poetry for English I did "...knew every step right off the bat, said I can do that!" (A song from the show).

I wanted to be on the stage. I wanted to dance but my dad always refused.

There's something about the smell of the theatre that is just magical. The lights going down and the make-up, the smoke and lights and waiting in the wings.

Those smells, that feeling gets under your skin and stays there.

I think this is all happening in the run-up to me turning 30. When you turn 30 all of these dreams start to evaporate.

I never wanted to be an actor - I just wanted to work in the theatre. I just wanted to be part of that magic.

After I left home my dad began to soften and ended up being drafted in as a designer on the production for Cats and Phantom of the Opera when they came to Cape Town.

By this stage I was living in London.

I really wish that maybe things had been different. Being in the entertainment industry I have friends who tread the boards in the West End.

I look at them and I think "I too could have been a contender". Of course I have never said it.

God knows where this post ends but I just wanted to say all of that.

My jazz hands would be been the best fucken jazz hands in the whole goddam show.