Continue to read this post to find the Ultimate Gaydar Test which features towards the end.
The festive season comes but once a year. Which is fucken good because if I were to carry on like this every day of the year I would be the size of a house...
Travelling to Leeds on Thursday morning I thought "fuck it, why not..."
And then for lunch yesterday I just thought "why the fuck not?"
Just incase you weren't sure what this mess is - it's a baked potato with baked beans and whole fucking load of grated cheese.
Don't the plastic knife and fork just add a touch of class?
After this week's nightmare shoot we decided to go and have a drink. Alcohol in vast quantities? Why the fuck not...
So we're sitting around and a colleague (who I once went out with but we're still friends) leaves his iPod lying on the table. I pick it up.
Do you know in that drunken haze, when you're just quiet and everyone around you is making a noise?
Well I was in that haze and looking at colleague (who shall now be named as Diva - cos he is one...) and I just thought "god, what the hell did I ever see in you?"
I'm also thumbing through his iPod, looking at the tracks and thinking "god, you're so gay."
I then had a stroke of genius.
From what I can remember I have managed to create a list. It's purely a guide, of course, but it's a good litmus test. A kind of Gay-o-meter test.
One out of ten is a Chuck Norris score.
Ten out of ten is a Roger De Bris score. Basically.
So how many of these artists' songs do you have on your iPod:
- Madonna
- Kylie Minogue
- Belinda Carlisle
- Bananarama OR The Bangles (add a point for both)*
- Christina Aguilera
- The soundtrack / song from a musical (add a point if it's a Lloyd Webber show)
- Tori Amos
- ABBA
- George Michael
- A song / album by a TV talent show winner (i.e. Kelly Clarkson, Leona Lewis etc.)
I think this is the ultimate gaydar test - I am going to copyright it.
If you score above nine there is pretty sure chance that you're gay. A score of one or below means that you're (most probably) straight.
Think about it. If there's someone who you may suspect is gay - pick up their iPod/MP3 player and see.
You're not allowed to fib here... but what is your score? Mine is 9 and I am a gay.
Colleague is gay and his score was a whopping great big flaming 100%.
The "small" print:
My gaydar test is designed to sniff out boy-gays. Women - straight or gay don't count because it's likely they'll listen to some of these artists.
* = The Bangles / Bananarama count as one because although different bands they're the same sample i.e. 80s nostalgia. The gays love a bit of nostalgia.
I think I may have invented what thousands have wanted for years. I think I may have invented the world's first fool-proof gaydar.
24 comments:
I'm a 7!
So, how does this copyright work? Am I allowed to use this test at tonight's party? I can either send you a check or add this quick tagline after every time I test someone: "This gay-o-meter has been brought to you by Bobby Vanquish. Bobby Vanquish, the only blog you need to read".
9/10 :-(
Andrea: I would be very grateful if you could use this test at tonight's or any party.
The greater the sample size means the better feedback we (as in my researchers and I) get which means the more accurate we can make it.
Use it as many times as you like.
I like the credit too - make sure that when you do it, you cheer it like Kirsten Dunst in Bring It On.
Thank you.
London P: Tsk. :-|
i got a 9..... which is pretty expected as i'm a FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL!!!!! ;)
Clearly your test in gold and should be shared with the world
3/10
Twiggy: Amazing amazing amazing. I knew it! See it does work. It's the best test in the history of the world. The ultimate gaydar test that they will be copying from LA to London to Laos and Lima inbetween. I have cracked the code. Wow, amazing. Trebles all round boys!
Edd.d: Er...
I scored 1 out of 10.
Hmmm? I question the validity of this test dude.
Of course, a few "years" ago I had some stuff from Madonna but got rid of it, as I don't care for her personally much.
Now, I found a musical sound track that they were giving away at the local library. I took it along with some others that were being tossed out. I listened to it, and kept it as I liked it. But since I didn't actually go out and buy this one or any others, I don't know if that is an indication of me seeking out that sort of musical sound track.
So, for the last two I will give a half a point each.
So, depending on how you look at it, I have a score of 1 for sure, but maybe as high as 2.
So, I'm straighter than an arrow essentially according to this music test. :)
Carl
9 out of 10. I only missed out on the musical/showtune category -- can't stand 'em. I must have been born without on that gay gene.
Nowe I'm very curious....
The one group/artist that I had on my IPOD was ABBA.
So, I'm curious since both London P and yourself had 9, what who was the one artist/group that you DIDN'T have on your IPOD?
Carl
Andre what three didn't you have on your list?
London P, what one didn't you have on your list?
Bobby what one didn't you have on your list?
Twiggy? What one didn't you have on your list?
Inside the Gate, who did you have on your list?
Carl
here are the results of tonight's sample:
- Ian, my ex, scored more than 10. Ouch.
- Dario, gay, scored 4, but he's only 20 and he doesn't listen to anything older than Rihanna
- Pietro, straight, scored 6. he's engaged to a good friend of mine. should I tell her fiance might be a gay?
3/10. 2 of the points were to having Phantom of the Opera. :)
Carl:
I guess I am going to have to question the validity of this. It is slightly tongue in cheek and rather patronising actually. Like all gays are exactly the same. I thought I'd test the perception because sometimes it can reflect a reality. For my sakes I think you've got a score of 2.
I had everything except the winner of a talent show contest. I don't care much for George Michael either but he's there... and ABBA for the nostalgia. And the funny thing is I'm not a fan of Kylie Minogue - I find her music (and her really) like mix-a-drink that doesn't have enough water in it. Far too sweet and saccherine.
I'd also be interested to know who was missing what....
Aaron: You still scored nine which means you still have quite enough gay genes! Though loathing musicals is quite a disability really. Do jazz hands really do nothing for you? (freak) ;-)
Andrea:
Right - a gay who scored 10. Wow. That's gay. More gay than anyone else who's responded...
Dario: 20-year-old gays know nothing. But still - 4 if you're only 20 is quite good/gay.
Pietro: You'd better watch this lad...though it depends though - if it's 6 because he has Madonna and George Michael then we're fine. If it's six points thanks to endless musicals then er... you'd better watch that one!
Jon C: You had a musical though... Still means that you're "passed the point of no return...the final threshold - the bridge is crossed" etc. etc.
Christina, Abba and George. Though I think I should score bonus points for having the Shortbus soundtrack.x
Edd.d: Fine - you get an extra point for the Shortbus soundtrack. That makes you a 5 maybe. So it's gone up from a measly 3.
You're approaching big flaming mo status...
Shit, I failed your gay test. I feel like Daffyth Thomas. Couldn't you add some opera, jazz or dance music to catch the pretentious and/or drugged out varieties? Then again, your test may loose the ability to discriminate str8 70 year-olds from fags...
Willy: Shit. Now please tell me exactly what opera it is that you enjoy. I am always glad when people say they love classical music. It makes a change from bloody Poppy-poppy-poppy.
At the moment (right now) I am listening to Penderecki which I don't think is very good given that I am in a house all on my own.
I could add dance music but I would assume that all gayers have dance music on their iPod because we're all borderline addicts...!
@ carl: I didn't have Belinda Carlisle, Bananarama and/or The Bangles, Tori Amos and ABBA. But I had many Anrew Llyod Webber's musicals + Shortbus soundtrack + anything by Jay Brannan (from Shortbus) so I guess that makes up for the fact I hate ABBA (sorry).
I missed the one on Geoge Michael, so I guess that might put me at three, but Bobby said he didn't really count, so I'm sticking with two.
This test is sort of biased. You know how when you take tests at school and they talk about bias? It is sort of based on a certain genre of songs and doesnt' take into account, jazz, opera, classical etc.
There is probably some correlation between what people like to listen to and whether they are gay or not though.
Carl
Hmmm... 2.5, as a cameo by Tori Amos on a BT album doesn't really count.
Can I apply for the Mika factor, to multiply my score, by, let's say, two?
But not a bad test at all...
7/10 only because I have loaded my Belinda Carlisle/Go-Gos, Kylie and The Bangles onto the iPod nano. Otherwise it would be 9/10.
Carl: George Michael counts... sorry!
Pete: It is an eerily accurate test. And when there is no iPod or MP3 a simple glance at a record / CD collection will suffice.
Timmy: I take it that that's a vote of confidence in The Test then! x
It works: I'm an 8 and it's completely true; I'm gay.
i ve got 0
so that would make me str8
.....right.....!!!!!
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