To: The stocky guy in the gym who wears the very small shorts
From: Bobby
Dude, you really need to get a bigger pair, yeah?
The thing is, is that you're a very large lad. If you were a rugby player I'd play you up at the front, with the forwards.
I suspect you've probably done well at shot-put, at some stage in your life.
You look like the kind of guy who could push a Land Rover up a hill backwards while sat in a wheelchair with one of the wheels missing.
But the look doesn't really work when you wear a pair of shorts that a ballerina would struggle to fit into.
When you bend over to pick up weights, which are probably equivalent to a small convertible, your underpants ride and your butt-crack shows. But that's the least of your worries...
It's the architecture around the front that's becoming more and more difficult to avoid.
Like a lot of men, you're probably very proud of what's between your legs.
Indeed because of the shorts you insist on wearing, it's pretty obvious that there's a woman out there who's certainly not left wanting...
But please - it's really distracting.
It's not just the camel toe which protrudes on either side like two low-hanging medicine balls but the baby's arm too.
Your shorts are so tight that I would happily go to Ladbrokes and stake a £100 that you could be Jewish.
Sports gear at Lillywhites is really cheap, it's not the 70s and you're not a cyclist.
My pleading is not just for everyone in the gym who has to endure the full show of your crotch in widescreen but think of the children too.
All those millions of little potential children not swimming around but squashed together like balloons in a sock.
I hope you will read and consider this request.
Thank you, from all of us.
7 comments:
Ok, now THAT us hilarious. LOL. I think every gym has one of these guys.
Jay: You have no idea... it's not that he's hot because I've noticed straight guys can't help but look either. It's right there.
Yeah - it's kinda odd how every gym, everywhere in the world seems exactly the same. It's just the location that changes.
play him in forwards or would like to play with him in forwards...
one ponders along in thought
You think your funny but your stories are so lame.
you might just have to steal them the next time he hits the showers and leaves his clothes on the bench. or leave an appropriately sized pair in its place like a swap!
seahorse: you, pondering? i wondered what that smell was!
Anon: whatever. next time be brave enough to leave a name.
Gabriel: You're not just a pretty face - what an excellent idea. I'll leave a note saying something like "mate, we were sick of having to look at the two oranges and a cucumber in a condom".
It will be the first pair of shorts I swipe and not for the purposes of smelling them.
It wasn't me who didn't leave their name Bobby. I love your stories.
Carl
Post a Comment