It's funny how school leaves his indelible mark on your whole life.
So, I'm 29 years old and I'm an adult.
I'm out of the closet and I don't care about what others think of me. Life is not being like in a classroom anymore.
Last night I went to bed early and started to wonder where Paul might be in the world.
I suddenly thought 'why the fuck am I so scared to try and track him down and get in touch?'
Then I realised it was school. I still have that petrified feeling of being caught out. Of Glen walking into the dorm and catching me sitting on top of him.
But who the fuck cares now? And why am I so scared?
And so I started my mission to find him. I want to know what he's up to. He was a huge part of my life in senior school for nearly four years and of course I'm curious.
Googling his name returns 1 result from some US archive in the 1920s. An MSN search shows up exactly the same data.
He's not on Facebook or Myspace. And not on Bebo or Friendster.
The easy option would be to ask one of his or my old school friends on Facebook but what if they said, "I don't know...".
I don't really want to be e-mailing our whole class of 128 guys going "do you know what happened to Paul Jones (not his real name)". It would look seriously odd.
Then I try our school's Old Boy's website, his name is amongst a long list on a page headed: "We've lost contact with these Old Boys. Please help us to get in touch with them..."
So I decide to widen my search and bingo! He's got a profile on LinkedIn.
Fuck... "Paul Smith is not currently open to receiving Introductions or InMail". I try and fiddle around to see if there's any way I can get in touch but it seems I can't
It is definitely him because his real name is a pretty unusual one. I see he's in banking and it says he lives in France.
I can't remember his mum's name but he did have older sisters. I Google his surname and get back around 900 search results. It's a start so I being to trawl through them.
Then, yes! I remember he had a sister called Lee. Googling her name, I get an e-mail address, hers is the only one.
I write my e-mail, suck in a large breathe and send it. Fuck knows what will happen now.
All I want to tell the guy I spent four years in love with, just what I was feeling.
Friday 5 October 2007
Bobby's comin'...
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11 comments:
Well it seems you are willing to accept a let down if any what may come of it. I do hope you get in touch with him now so that you can let go and move on. Enough said.
He could be married 5 kids he could be single or gay, who knows. If there was ever a connection between you and you track him down...I do hope it pans out in a good way for all. Well you never know until you try i suppose. We live once so we have to cram as much in as possible.
Ek weet nie hoe om te se nie eintlik..dis baie moelik om in woorde te sit want ek het die selfde gevoelens met te minste 3 ander ouens waarmee ek mal verlief was of nog is?? its also been so many years..ag here bobby hoekom stir jy die pot nou. Some memories i want to forget but they resurface again.
Fuck friend reunited/facebook etc these sites make it godd/bad at the same time.
I wish you the very best of luck in getting in touch of Paul but i hope u prepared to move on afterwards.
Is his fake name Paul Jones, or Paul Smith? :)
Resourceful lad, aren't we?
Seahorse: Ek dink fokkit. Ons het net een kaans in hierdie wereld en oormore mieskien per ongeluk val ek voor 'n groot rooi bus. Ek dink jy moet die kans wat wanneer jy kan. En wat gebeur as hy vir my terug se; "Bobby I have been waiting for you for ten years to get in touch - I was so nervous to do it myself."
Jon: Paul was his real name. His real surame however is another matter. It's neither Paul nor Smith. :-)
steven: i'm a super sleuth detective. a gay Macguyver on the web.
Best of luck. Even if you don't get what you hope for, you have nothing to lose and a few answers to gain. Let us know how it goes.
1. He has left some mark on you my boy
2. Be prepared for "hey, nice to hear from you. So you're in London now. I always thought you might be gay and that's cool with me!
I'm in France myself, married with a couple of kids. If you're ever here, or I'm in London, we must meet up for a beer.Keep in touch..."
3. And if it's not-what are you prepared to do about it?
Just some thoughts, though I'm sure that you've thought them all through anyway.
ahoj
im glad u changed that photo back, much cuter thank you.
God, you need some balls to do that. Good luck.
Hope it all works out for you!
This sort of reminds me of an old tv show.
Do you remember the Seinfeld episode where George wanted to tell the woman he loved her and Jerry asked George, "Do you feel comfortable with the I love you return? Because if you don't get it.... well, that's a pretty big matza ball hanging out there."
Rekindling old friendships is unnerving, but fun all at the same time. I've been in simalar situations a few times now.
Good luck. I think this will turn out well.
Carl
I use a programme called 'Copernic Agent Basic' = it is a free download form the net and it seems to do a deeper search engine than Google. You may find Paul using it !!!
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