All I want is to live like Kath and Kel.
I've had the day off so have had a protein shake, been to gym and watched Series 1 and 2 of Kath & Kim.
I have decided that that is my life's ambition.
This is the house Kath and Kel live in and all they ever seem to do is er, nothing. All day. Except when Kel is occasionally seen to work.
And then at around 5pm every day Kath and her daughter Kim sit in the garden with a glass bottle of Chardonnay reading trashy celebrity magazines together.
That is my ideal life. And here's how it's going to be possible for me to live it...
1/ I am going to work bloody hard so that I can retire at 45. By this stage I will be married too.
2/ We (that's my husband and I) will then move to Napa in California where my sister lives.
3/ I don't know if I've told you but although my sister is three years younger than me, she is a lot richer. She's only 26 and already has her own bloody secretary and a house.
Moving to where she lives means we will spend all day, every day at her house watching her TV and eating out of her fridge so that we can save on bills and food.
My sister will sometimes get tired of us living on her couch so on the days when she does kick us out we'll go and visit a wine farm for extra-long boozy lunches.
Life will be devoid of the Tube and battling other women's trollies at the Sainsbury's and fighting with people over parking spaces and slavishly going to the gym every day and days of endless rain...
Instead it will be the sun, barbeques at my sister's house, lengthy lunches, walks in the vineyards, swimming in our massive rim-low pool and when the mood takes us, reading.
If this sounds like heaven to you, well, you're in luck!
I've decided to start auditioning for guys to play the part of my husband.
The role requires little or no experience but you do need to have the same lazy ambition that I do.
The rest we can make up as we can along. Fit blokes, apply within please.
Monday, 8 October 2007
Live like this
Written by Bobby Vanquish at around 16:48
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9 comments:
Oh Bobby how i yearn for thee. I've been waiting for that proposal forever! Not very romantic on here but I accept.
Say no more the papers are in the post.
Only problem is I used to live like that that is one reason I left home to get away from my 45 plus life otherwise I would spoil it completely. Well that and the fact it cost a fortune in Knysna.
They say how do you make a million in Knysna? You start with 6.
Have you given up on your long lost love/s?
Or is it because you are bored on this monday and no gangbabgs to attend?
I'll marry u tomorrow but I fear I might see you on the next episode of 'Cheaters' or am i mistaken?
I share your ambitions most definitely but can we skip Napa please....so overrated there. And the Californians might know wine but if champagne slapped them in the face they wouldn't know what hit them lol
Is jy ernstig? EK sttur die ring ontmiddelik!! First class.
tc
What happened to your husband from the gym? You know, the one you nearly got arrested for taking naked pictures of in the changing rooms?
Have you seen him since? Or did you have to change gyms?
well thats different, unusual, unique...
yeh, what about the poor lad you've been stalking ;-)
seahorse: er... ?!
!!! i'm flattered. um... yeah.
I don't really know what to say?
Interesting weather we're having aren't we?
London P: How did you know?! Er - I seriously flipped a coin about which story to tell. My disastrous day at gym with my potential husband or my pathetic ambitions.
I am going to have to tell the husband story now but it's nearly time for bed... fuck - okay tomorrow...
Daze: Oh mum - it's NORMAL!
shit - okay - i think stories about the poor guy I'm stalking are far more interesting... that's going to happen tomorrow. I promise. i should refrain from showing my near-normal side and revert to the stalker-stories. they're much better...
Be careful on taking photos of people. I'm serious on this one. I found out that if it is considered invading their privacy or done for other reasons that they crack down on hard on this.
This one guy, where I live, was taking pics of a girl who was fully clothed in public, and he was witnessed on a hidden video doing this... the pics were taken without her knowledge and the judge sentenced him to 6 months in jail as the judge believed that the pics he was taking were considered stalking her and were for gratification purposes.
I had never heard of something like this before. Taking a photo of someone in pubic can get you jail time? But he got 6 months in jail! Scary. Another reason not to own a cell phone camera perhaps.
I have a question for the anonymous guy who commented about taking pics of people without their consent: what if you can't see their face? or, what if that random person is included in the background of a picture you took with some of your friends? is that still considered illegal?
I think Bobby and I will need some legal advice on this one .. :)
I don't really want to dedicate an entire blog post to this because it's a little dull - unless a) you're interested in the law or b) you've posted pics of guys on your blogs without their permission.
Taking pictures of people without their permission isn't illegal. Imagine photographers at football matches having to ask everyone in the crowd everytime they appeared in shot? It's not feasible and it's not illegal.
There are a few places where taking photos of people is illegal in the UK - for example you're not allowed to use a camera in a hospital or take pictures of people under the age of 18 without their parent's permission.
So is it right that I sneakily took a photo of a guy in the gym who I fancied?
It may be a little ethically dodgy but it's not illegal and I am not going to go to jail for it.
Firstly I have made every effort to keep this blog completely anonymous. There isn't a single person who's read it who has met me in real life.
Also - the gym I go to is not at all clear. There is no way the guy in the picture would be able to pinpoint himself and I seriously doubt if any of his friends would be able to spot him too.
So he's not likely to complain about the picture. If there was going to be an issue over it - that's where it would begin.
A judge cannot just throw you into jail for taking other people's pictures. You have to have broken a law.
The police are far too busy dealing rapes, murders and muggings to listen to someone moaning about having their photo snapped in the gym - remember too that he isn't naked - that would be an invasion of privacy.
Also - who's to say that the guy in the photo I took is just a friend and the whole thing is staged? Exactly - there would have to be a trial and can you even see the case coming remotely near a court?
And then there are publication issues too. My blog is technically published in the US where privacy laws are very different.
I say all of this to illustrate that while it may be slightly dodgy taking other people's pictures - because there is a cloak of anonymity both with regards to me and the subject - it isn't going to land me in jail.
The worst would be the gym cancels my membership and / or he finds out and complains. And incidentally he would have to complain to me first and I would hen gladly take the image down and issue an apology.
What is slightly more risky is taking pictures of guys who're identifiable. That is wrong. If you / you're friends or readers of your blog can easily work out who the subject is, then you're on slightly shakey territory.
Then the subject has justification to complain and insinuations about their sexuality etc. would make it even more legally dodgy.
The photo I posted of the guy lying on his bed is slightly more risky. You have to look at it the other way around. Is there a level of privacy expected in a gym? Yes to some extent. In a gym changeroom? Yes again to some extent. In your own bedroom - absolutely.
So that's the just of the iceberg of my justification for publishing the pictue of Jack (my future husband).
And of course there's the old adage that you can always just sink to: "publish and be damned about the consequences".
Perhaps on that charge I should just plead guilty.
That said - if you know the guy in my photo - I would bloody love to hear from you! If only he knew what I felt!
Sounds like Kel could be your future husband. I only 45 mins drive from kath and Kel, I'm sure I could turn him for you?
that's different nice unusual...now look at moy
ahoj
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