Numbers in my head

Apparently I've been tagged to tell you eight things about me that you didn't or wouldn't know.

This is difficult really because apart from my vile habits which include gym, binge drinking and using my mobile phone camera inappropriately, there isn't much else to me actually.

Of course that's a joke.

I also sometimes pee in the basin in the guest loo downstairs. So let that be a lesson if you ever come around for tea and biscuits.

(And whatever you do - don't use the fucking guest handtowel. There's enough spermatazoa on it to keep a fertility clinic in business for the next twenty years.)

Okay, the spunk on the towel is a joke too. It's a blue towel so any stain on it would show up rather quickly. Well, most stains anyway...

I'm not sure if admitting that I occasionally relieve myself in the basin counts as something you didn't know but maybe we should count that as number one? Seven more to go...

I have to confess at this point that I don't know how intimate these self-confessions need to be? I mean, I can be really personal if you like but I still want you to speak to me afterwards.

Which isn't what happened with one guy after I came in his mouth after I promised that I wouldn't. You want personal honey, I'll give you personal!

On my count that now counts as two pieces of info you probably may not have known about me. No, not that I'm a liar but that sometimes the mood can overtake the circumstances.

Incidentally, I did apologise but he still ran to the loo to spit. I smiled a wry smile after he swilled his mouth out and wiped his mouth off with the guest towel.

And on we plod... point number three of Things You Never Knew About Me (five more to go.)

I have a bizarre talent(?) for remembering numbers.

I can remember old phone numbers; my first mobile phone number was 082 8966 XXX, the first phone number when my parents moved to South Africa (21 years ago) was XXX 1179.

I can remember the 16-digit numbers on all my credit cards, my bank accounts, pins and passwords on all of my e-mails accounts are numerical. I don't use the address book on my phone because all the numbers are in my head.

I think, I say think that the knack comes from learning music at a young age. When I have kids and no matter how much they protest, they will learn music.

There is no greater pleasure in the world than music; playing it, listening to it and knowing it. Case closed.

So that's three and here comes four. Yes, this is a good one...

Did you know that I am slightly mad? Okay, I only say this so that you don't say it to yourself first.

I write down everything that happens in my life.

I write a diary, I write down my dreams, I note amusing things people have said and I write down things that have inspired me or repulsed me.

Here are just some of the books from this year that I have filled up.

I know I've said this before but if you write down an idea a day, at the end of the year you'll have the outline to a book.

At the end of the year write your book, publish it and sell the rights to a film company and that's £50,000 in the bank, in return for just keeping a little notepad.

Now, is that point number four or five? I've lost count.

I think it's time I found some time alone, just me and the towel from the guest loo.