Kom and Lek my Tromso

Do you know what the most irritating thing in the world is?

It's leaving work an hour early, getting to the gym and opening your tog-bag only to realise that you've forgotten your shoes at home. Fuck.

Anyway.

It's Monday night, the start of another week. What do you do on a Monday night? When winter's approaching and all the world is turning to long dark nights, what do you do? Where do you go?

Hell yeah, baby! Ikea...

The Ikea in Neasden (they like to pretend it's in Wembley but it's actually in shitty Neasden) is apparently the busiest in the world.

The place is packed to the rafters with arguing straight couples, flouncey gays, flatpack furniture and fucken meatballs. I love it.

My housemate needed a Billy and a Bergman and a Knobhead and a Smegma and a Poofrag etc.

So while she got lost amongst the Ingmars and Titgongs I found a nice comfy spot to relax.

In the end my contribution to the experience was these three Goodpoofs (?!) which I thought looked nice - except we don't have any pictures to put in them.

I think they sit quite well on the rosewood-coloured Billy and matching Vulva.

Oh god, is this not the most boring fucking topic in the world goddam world? I had a really fucken dull day - we went to the Ikea, it was shit and I bought tat.

Bla bla bla... Listen, suggestions for names of Ikea furniture would be greatly received.

So far I've come up with: Smegnor and Cunta. But what's a Poofrag for? And where would you use a Titgong?

Please leave a comment and the best Ikea furniture suggestion gets a signed photo of my Stiffknob which you can Leksvig for as long as you wish...