More Paul

Towards the end of the year it was exam time and if guys weren't sitting they could stay in the boarding house under the auspices that they were studying.

Paul and I were among a handful of guys who hadn't got an exam, weren't studying and decided to go down the pool for a swim.

I remember going into Paul's dorm and he was lying on his stomach reading a book, wearing a Speedo. He was planning to go swimming but was engrossed in his novel.

Sitting on the corner of his bed I asked him what he was reading.

Turning over he put his hand behind his head, lying on his bed in a black Speedo showing off the full length of his amazing body.

Bryce's Courtney's The Power of One - the book most guys at the time had either read or were reading.

He turned back onto his stomach but put the book down.

"My shoulders are really sore from lying like this", he said.

I can remember what he said as clear as though it could have happened five minutes ago even though this was more than a decade ago.

Next minute I was sitting up against his back massaging his shoulders. He kept saying how strong my hands were. I told him it was really uncomfortable, sitting and leaning over him.

One thing led to another...

So there we were, me sitting on his bottom leaning over and massaging his muscular back and shoulders. I think I must have been drooling.

Here I was, in such an intimate position touching a boy I had lusted after for years. All I could feel was electricity. There was elecritity surging everywhere and in my crotch too.

Suddenly I stopped.

"Carry on" he said, his head to one side and his mouth squashed by the pillow.

I couldn't help myself but I couldn't carry on. I sat there on his bottom, excited and petrified of what was going to happen next.

Fuck it. I leaned down putting my hands on the top of his arms and kissed the back of his neck.

Suddenly everything happened very quickly.

He reached his arm back and put his hand on my thigh and just at that moment there was a noise at the top of the stairs outside.

I lept off Paul and scrambled to sit on the bed nearby, he grabbed his book to continue reading.

Enter Glen asking us if we were coming swimming or not? I could feel the blood draining from my face and other regions.

The mood disappeared in an instant.

I got up off the bed and walked to the pool with Glen. Paul said he'd be down shortly.

We never spoke about what happened and the situation never presented itself again.

Three months later I had finished my exams and left school for the last time. I have never seen or heard of Paul since. God I loved him.

I still hold this story so close and I always wonder what may have happened if Glen had never appeared. When I watched Brokeback Mountain it brought back all these memories. After watching the film I cried uncontrollably for nearly a week. I still wonder whatever happened to Paul.

I really, really loved him so much. So close but yet so far.