To someone I (don't) know

The funny thing about a blog is that anyone can read it.

Perhaps something you write strikes a chord with someone and they decide to examine their own feelings and start a blog too.

Tonight I found someone who, it seems, has been reading what I've written.

Back in February they started their own blog and I wanted to share some few lines from it...

"I am a male, white, 16 years of age. I live in a town called Stellenbosch, South Africa. I go to a prominent boys only school, and I despise it."

"Tonight, I truly feel like crying. Even though I developed a lot emotionally this weekend, in a way accepting that I am gay.

"I have stopped talking to my father. [W]e had a big fight where he put me in a room and started shouting at me, and saying bad things about my mother and I. When my mom came to fetch me (he now also lived in Cape Town) he started another fight and made me choose between him and her, I chose my mom."

"After writing that article, (the last one) I went, sat on my bed, and cried for ages and ages. I just couldn’t stop. It just all flowed out. And mom came and sat with me, and then after a while I stopped crying and I felt better. We decided that it is best if I don’t go to school tomorrow. So I shall be staying at home.
We watched Little Miss Sunshine, as it was on television."

"I don’t hate school because of all the work, I mean, o.k. I don’t like homework, but I know that it is beneficial to my future. It is due to the fact that I am so darn lonely, people find me too mature, so they avoid me; and the main reason is as I get bullied."

"I went on the bus for a while, and I hated it! I was still bullied, and one day, someone on the bus, took a plank and hit me through the face."


Dear C451,

I am Bobby, I guess I don't need to introduce myself to you. You've been reading a lot of the stuff I've written. Perhaps you saw that I was from Cape Town too.

My parents live outside Stellenbosch, it was the small town I partly grew up in. I know the school you go to, I have been there many times. I too went to a "prominent" all-boys boarding school. I also hated it.

If you look at the comments on my blog you will see that there are loads of other guys who come here too. Many of them too had a shitty time growing up. I know what it's like thinking "I'm gay and I am all alone in this..."

If you find yourself sat at the end of your bed crying, remember that I was sat there too. We were all sat there.

I can't make school easier and I can't make the bullies go away but I can tell you that you're not alone.

All the stuff that has beaten you and knocked you and hit you - don't allow it to get you down.

When someone is nasty to you, let your heart smile and tell yourself that you won't let them get to you. After a while they will walk away.

Things may be difficult at times and you may be upset and you may hate who you are but it is you.

There is nothing wrong with you. Don't be afraid of how you're feeling - that's just called growing up.

Of course, at times, it's not going to be easy. The road ahead is long and tough but if you want, the rewards are plenty and they are stunning.

That's until a boy breaks your heart for the first time, of course!

As you walk through, what seems to be a never-ending tunnel, remember that at the end there will be light. And there will be smiles and there will be all the happiness you hoped for.

But above all, remember that you are not alone. Somewhere out there is all of us - a bunch of guys (and the odd girl) who're with you in spirit and cheering you on, every step of your journey.

All the very best, from someone who's cried the same tears that you have. It will get better, I promise you.

With love, light and a smile.

Bobby x