I'm sick and so I left work early and came home to lie in bed.
Well, I'm not that sick - I just feel completely exhausted. My body is craving sleep and fresh fruit.
While lying in bed this afternoon I started to contemplate my mortality.
I thought about what would happen if I fell asleep and didn't wake up?
Death scares me because I am always frightened I'm going to go before my time.
When your soul crosses into the light and you become aware that you've died, I don't want, at that moment, to be going "fuck, I wish I'd..."
And as your soul ascends you have to ask yourself some fundamental questions.
Did I bring happiness to anyone's life besides my own?
Did I treat everyone I came into contact with, with respect and dignity?
Was I unnecessarily nasty to people who didn't deserve it?
It's those type of questions you have to ask yourself constantly.
In this life, the only one I have, I don't want to find myself going "I really wish I'd..."
I don't want the most depressing day of my life to be when I wake up on the first day of my retirement.
I have thought about moving to the States, even to the point of sending out job applications etc. but then i thought 'shit, if I can't make it in London and I'm running away now, there's not much hope otherwise.'
Maybe when I hit 40, I'll have another crisis and move to California, where my sister is, and where I've always wanted to live.
In 1999 I made a list which had all the things I wanted to achieve in life. I am updating it to coincide with my 30th birthday.
The one in 1999 was to coincide with my 21st.
When I look at it now, I am grateful that there are ticks next to some of the things I've wanted to do.
It's entitled "Things To Do Before I Die" and underneath that, I've written; "if we have nothing to aspire to or want to achieve, then we don't deserve to be on this earth."
Some of the ambitions have been specific, others trivial but at some point they're things I've wanted to do or achieve in life.
So far there are ticks next to:
Enjoy at least one New Year's Eve - tick!
Meet Madonna - tick!
Chat up a famous porn star - tick!
Drink a bottle of Cristal Champagne - tick!
Work in an office - tick!
Max out a credit card - tick!
Have someone ask for my autograph - tick!
Work for _ _ _ _ _ _ - tick!
Work for the _ _ _ - tick!
In the next 12 months there are a few others on the list I should be able tick off.
You should make a list too, I've love to know what would be on it.
Wednesday 21 May 2008
The Immaculate Collection
Written by Bobby Vanquish at around 22:34
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13 comments:
hmm. who's the famous porn star? have you mentioned it before? and what did you do with him after you chatted him up?
giddyup yeeha! The horse has touched down in Atlanta. It must be 'lets grill the horse month' with regards to customs around the world. South Africa Dubai England France and now the States are frying me ass! The only bonus today is that the smoking hellhole is right next to my gate for Alabama! Woohoo. 6 vodkas and 2bottles red we still looking good lol
Max out a credit card - tick!
This is something you wanted to achieve in life? Really?!? This is just an unfortunate side effect of my getting carried away in Neiman Marcus once in a while (and subsequently having to return everything once I realize what I've done).
I have to say, I'm kind of disappointed that you're no longer considering moving to LA. It would have been nice to have you blogging from here.
I haven't made a list in awhile so maybe I should do that. Can include: Meet Bobby Vanquish ?
Are you counting meeting Madonna even though she was a bitch I seem to remember from a previous post.
Any chance of you sharing the ones you haven't done yet?
I might have a go at mine later. Although I might end up with a profound sense of underachievement.
Meet Bobby Vanquish when he moves to California. Ha Ha
Been on vacation, glad to see you back and in good form
Liz
Guys, thanks for the comments. I am feeling like shit and can't concentrate and and and and....
So Dick: The porn star was Aiden Shaw (I didn't know who he was, someone else pointed him out and said "ohmygod, that guy is like such a famous porn star") and then I walked up to him and introduced myself. It was at Bromptons in Earl's Court in London about four years ago. Funny.
Fleet: She was a bitch but I still met her so it counts. So what is on your list. And don't even mention the word underachievement. Bollocks to that!! x x
And Liz, Timmy and Lex - I've been thinking - yes, if you wanna meet me then great! (but I always say that if you knew me, you wouldn't like me) but I think an adventure would be fun - like criss-crossing the world and meeting people and then writing about it. I could draw up a map of all the places where I could go. So San Fran and LA are two... I think this sounds like a great idea! I am going to have to explore this - maybe it's something for someone who's more than 30 years old....
!?
You'd have to suggest the resaurant though... or the bar...
You've got an infectious personality, whatever that means (its good I think). May I ask when your momentous birthday is? I won't tell a soul.
oh my god. just googled him and he is gorgeous. i want him. if you didn't at least try to sleep with him i will be very disappointed.
ive had all the un censored ones but the madonna one, except the porn "star" chatted me up and we had a thing (he turned out to be a cunt).
Being involved in an orgy/sex scandal with my party prescription pharmacist, Barry White(hes singing not shagging), Domenico and Stefano Gabbana is unfortunately still yet to materialise, despite my best efforts.
PS move to the states already, the Uk will always be here, better to live than have regrets.xxx
Dearest Bobby,
Well I thought you might want some feedback on something….
You may remember a couple of months ago, I posted a comment which centered on the fact we shared some history. We had both worked for the same broadcaster, the one based at the end of Heathrow’s second runway.
And that whilst you had moved on… I seemed stuck in the nightmare that is Osterley. A nightmare that was driving me mad, I mean literally, driving me mad. Crazy. La La. Fucking homicidal.
Well, you kindly responded to that post, and I got to thinking… why the fuck am I putting up with this shit? How had I gotten myself to a point at which I tolerated the depths of my despair…not too mention a god-awful commute.
Why couldn’t I change the situation? After all it was only a job, right?
Well, a couple of weeks later, I saw a post advertised that sounded interesting, and I thought why not? Why not indeed?
Well, to cut a fairly long story, a little shorter, I sent off my CV … and what do ya know?
I have just delighted in handing in my resignation at _ _ _, so no more shuttle buses or crap coffee in shitty sachets for yours truly.
I start my new job, on July 1st, with a substantial wage hike and it’s based right across from Bush house on Gt Portland Street. Civilisation, here I fucking come. You better be ready.
But not only that… since I decided to grab the bull by the knackers, so to speak, a series of other things have happened. Firstly, I made the decision to only to take a short contract thus leaving myself open to other opportunities including some travel, which I had been discussing with a friend of mine.
A couple of months ago a friend of mine had mentioned wanting to go to Argentina for about three months. Which, I thought would be great, but he wanted to head over there to see in the NEW YEAR. Well, as my new contract concludes in December, it appears I too am Buenos Aires bound.
But, furthermore, through a random work mate, I have just secured us a fucking great big house in the Buenos Aires’ equivalent of Hampstead. Get In!!!!! I may decide to stay on for a substantial while longer.
And on top of that, I have had a series of meetings with a third party about possible future business propositions...which if they come off, could see me working from a laptop anywhere in the world, well anywhere with a decent internet connection.
So, my dearest Bobby, when I am sitting on the beach on Buenos, sipping on my pina colada… it has to be a pina doesn’t it? Just for the kitsch value. Well, OK, maybe a marguerita, or both - possibly washed down with a vine of the finest Columbian yoke.
I shall think of you… of your kind words, and how a little encouragement, plus a tale of a drive that you once took past your old home, reminiscing about a life you once inhabited, a life that left you miserable… how all that, affected me, and my life. How it spurred me into action and onto a much brighter future. One full of potential and not to forget….hot Argentineans!!!!
How life changes, hey?
On slightly different note: I also live in Hampstead, and am South African, well on my mother’s side. Jesus any more coincidences to be shared?
Oh yeah, I work in tele too, but that’s was obvious wasn’t it?
Well, I am going to keep a look out for black convertible Audi’s in Hampstead, ones with obviously gay drivers, who like to play their music at law breaking (what was that about?) levels, and if you ever see a mix-raced, incredibly handsome man, (if I do say so myself) smile and wave at you…..well just wave back, it may be me.
Cheers Bobby.
Ever grateful!
G
good post on taking stock of life. i'm going to do mine today :) hope you are feeling better.
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