Out to lunch

I work in a large mouse-infested historic building in London which you've probably seen on TV. In it there are two restaurants and a few weeks I notice a new face behind the check-outs in one of them.

To cut a long story short... he is in his early 20s, from Eastern Europe and I have to say, rather cute. Over the next few days he smiles at me and last Friday, when he gives me my change our hands meet, he looks up at me and his eyes completely light up.

Yesterday, while trying to find something edible he appears behind me. Noticing him I turn around and he very quickly and nervously hands me a piece of paper. He is obviously trying to make sure his colleagues don't notice what he's doing.

I shove the paper in my pocket, grab and pay for a Diet Coke and leave.

Around the corner I open it.

"Its Rico from teabar. Maybe I take you for lunch sometime if you want. 077xx xxxx xxxx"

My heart completely skips a beat. This is one of the sweatest things that's happened to me for a while. All of last night I was torn up about what I should do.

Actually, it's not a difficult choice because I know there's only one option.

He's young, wide-eyed, obviously new to London and new to the whole "gay in a big city" thing. I am a 29 year old guy who's seen and done a lot, is mostly cynical - basically I know that whatever happens it can't / won't work.

This morning I take a deep breath and walk to the canteen to find him. I get there and the radio is on. Peter Cetera's playing.

He is packing ready-made sandwiches but looks up and sees me. His faces flashes a smile. I walk over to him.

I think "Oh god, I wish that fucking radio would shut up".

"Hey Rico... thank you so much. That note was really really sweet." He smiles and looks into my eyes.

"But unfortunately I am taken. I'm so sorry."

He smiles and says "okay, fine" but this look of terrible disappoinment just washes across his face. He tries to smile again but takes a step back and half raises his hand as if to wave but instead turns on his heals and walks away with his head hung.

The ready-made sandwich trolley is abandoned as he walks in the opposite direction, out of the canteen.

I want to run after him, grab him and give him such a big hug and say something or apologise again but what can you do?

I feel awful because I have just ruined his day. He probably got home last night and and thought about taking me out for supper or something.

Tonight he is probably walking through his front door and feeling like shit. Maybe I made him cry in the toilet.

I really feel bad.

Maybe I am battered and cynical because that's been done to me and I've just done it to someone else. I feel awful.

He'll never read this but I want to put it out into the Universe anyway.

Rico,
For a moment you stole my heart. I was flattered and so touched that you did something so brave and plucked up the courage to hand me that note. It will stay in my special shoebox forever. In time you'll forget about this but right now I'm so sorry if I hurt you. You deserve a Prince on horseback to come and whisk you away - I'm sure you'll have no trouble in finding him but unfortunately that Prince is not me.
With love and light,
Bobby.

I guess I'm now also going to have to find somewhere else to buy my lunch.