Monday 20 August 2007

Brutish Airways

I said I'd take the laptop er, virus-device along with me to Edinburgh to share in the delights of all the Scottish capital has to offer. Yes, I've failed.

But I have opened it now. Because the fucking flight is delayed - by 50 goddam minutes.

I've been sat in the BA Execution Lounge knocking back free booze. I have some photos and a few stories, I wanna show them to you but can't bothered to negotiate cables etc.

Right now though I have some snivelling woman on my left drawing hearts on what seems to be her boyfriend's wall on Facebook and on my right (and indeed to everyone's right...) there is a Muslim man saying his evening prayers.

Perhaps I'll offer him a swig from my San Miguel, that oughta do good for cultural relations and such.

So while I'm being delayed I've been trying to come up with alternative words for British Airways.

So far I've got:

British Crapways
British No-ways
Brutish Airways
We're So Fucking Shit We Can't Believe You Still Fly With Us

Further suggestions on the back of toilet door please. Or you can leave a comment which would be nice.

And in this age of trans-continental travel means that I'll say this in Edinburgh and read what you have to say back, in London. Get her!

EDIT: London, 22.43

Haha! I love the fact that while I'm taking them for the free booze, I can join with you in a little BA-bashing ritual.

That, above, is the big metal bird that kept us fucking waiting.

Onboard the plane I sank another two glasses of Chardonnay and nearly had Mark the chief purser.

There was the awful moment that went; "I just wanted a moist towel / why are you sitting in my lap?"

But in the end we got to Heathrow.

Right now I'm on the wrong side of free airline booze, a stuffy Bakerloo line and in desperate need of shower.

I've unilaterially decided that I'm not going to work tomorrow so can we continue with this then? I think I need to go, lie down and count sheep. Or empties.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think I like "We're So Fucking Shit I Can't Believe You Still Fly With Us" best.

chabang said...

BA have been shite for years (i get better service on Ryanair) but for some reason they keep going because of all the middle class people who insist on flying with them :-p

Bobby Vanquish said...

T: I think you're right! But it's easy for you too say - you don't have to use them! x x

Chabang, chabang, Kaboom! ...is what you'd come to expect from Ryanair. Back atcha!
(Bastard middle classes.)

Anonymous said...

Actually I think that BA are a great airline. A 50 minute delay is a pain, but get over yourself. Those planes shuttle up and down the UK and across Europe all day, it's hardly a shock that they pick delays up during that time.

Bobby Vanquish said...

Dear Anonymous.

If I really loathed BA I wouldn't use them. Even though it seems of a bit of a one-sided relationship.

Here's a potted history:

Recent Edinburgh to London - flight delayed

London to Cape Town, March '07 - found a large piece of glass in the food

London to Amsterdam, Oct '06 - luggage lost

Ibiza to London, Oct '06 - flight delayed by two hours

London to Cape Town, March '05 - Flight overbooked and had to wait 24 hours even though I had a full-fare Club World ticket

Maybe my luck's just poor...