Thursday 23 August 2007

Cluck you

Pop quiz, bitches.

Have a look at the picture below that I managed to very discreetly snap in the gym changeroom. The very scrawmy legs in the picture belong to a guy who just pisses me off.

I have not ever chatted to him, in fact I don't know him from a bar of soap but do you know how you can just cultivate an irrational loathing for someone based on a very flimsy premise?

Here's the premise... of the two pictures below - both hand drawn by me - which one do you think accurately reflects the top half?

Exhibit 1:


Exhibit 2:
Now before you go leaping to any conclusions think about what I've mentioned.

He has chicken legs. His legs are scrawny and tiny. Perhaps he too is scrawny and tiny, yes?

No fucken way. Of course the upper half is pretty close to the drawing in Exhibit 2.

I just want to shake him and go "dude, you look like a fucken idiot!" Maybe it would be a good idea to cluck very quietly.

If he just did one day of legs a week it wouldn't look so bad. He always wears board shorts because his thighs must be like broomsticks. But that's not all!

Exhibit 2 is actually a bit of a rose-tinted drawing because he very definitely does not have a sixpack. He has enormous shoulders, large pecs and huge arms. And that's it.

And still that's not all!

He's also the worst person to work out near because he picks up the heaviest weights, lifts them once or twice then let's out a huge groan and drops the fucking things on the floor.

"If they're too heavy and you have to keep on dropping them, use fucking lighter weights, cunt!" Is what I'd like to say.

And do you know the most remarkable thing about this guy?

If you visit any gym on any day, in any country in absolutely any part of the world, he will be there. Getting in your way, panting, groaning, doing the same exercises day-in, day-out and then just loving himself in the mirror.

Just don't mention chicken legs.

11 comments:

chabang said...

consol yourself with the knowledge he's got a tiny cock and will never find somone who loves him as much as he loves himself.

MadeInScotland said...

how was I to know you were around unless you told me?

Didn't I tel you you'd miss blogging?

At least, I think it's you!!! Hope so.

ahoj

ps I still need a new proper blog name

ANDRE said...

and they also look shaved.. ewww!

Anonymous said...

There's a actual "gang" of them at my gym, which of course seem to live there.
Worst bit is they'll do squats...with about 40Kg, then high five each other talking about personal best. If you go anywhere near 100Kg then they are worse that a bunch of catty queens down the local.

Bobby Vanquish said...

chabang: that's a rather stoic and eerily sensible statement. God, I never thought I'd say that! Or I never thought you'd say something like that. You have humour and a heart. Wanna father my children?

Oliver, Oliver: (never before has a boy wanted more...). Do you know in the school play once, I played Mr Bumble. Mooooooooore?!
Anyway - dunno if I could deal with a pack of them. I would rejoice if the guy in the pic did any form of squat what with those firemans' pole legs. Maybe we should group together like the women in Afghanistan and go and throw acid at them. Those boys sound tiring, tedious and probably vacuous too... Boring.

Bobby Vanquish said...

Andre: I think they are shaved. Not clipped but shaved. Which means that around the upper leg area the hair becomes thick and spotty from the ingrowns. Yuk.
Does the guy have ANY redeeming features? Probably not.

czech: it is me! Yeah 'summer' isn't word that is readily associated with 'London', 'August' and '2007'. What about being all post-modern and going for an unnamed blog. Make the name a symbol or something?

chabang said...

ok, but if we're having kids we must have 3 - one of each

Humming Bird in Hyde said...

but, but, but, I have chicken legs.....but my chcicken legs matches my body and it's quite hairy, but never mind, it's still chicken :-(

MadeInScotland said...

no, that was the first I'd heard about BV. Bu, hey I dig your vid clips...you are good!

ahoj

Bobby Vanquish said...

HBH: but, but, but, but... there's nothing wrong with chicken legs - when it's all in proportion. what looks RIDICULOUS is guys in the gym who - on the bottom half look like malnourished kids and on the top half look like Hulk Hogan. That's when it looks stupid.
Please don't be :-( ...!

chabang said...

sooo, did you make it to manchester pride - we're all waiting for tales of debauchery and wild excesses!