Bodies on ice

I had to dash into Sainsbury's which is situated in a shopping centre or as I call them Nightmares With Airconditioning.

So I'm about to get onto the escalator when a woman stops me. "Excuse me, would you mine taking the lift down with me, I'm afraid of confined spaces?"

Er... "You're what?"

"Scared of being alone in confined spaces - would you mind coming with me, the lift is just around the corner, it's only one floor, please..."

"Why don't you take the escalator?"

"Those are even more frightening".

Well, what would you have done in this situation? I just ran away.

I figure she's either:
1/ An actress doing some Candid Camera-style comedy show
2/ A maniac who's going to get you into the lift alone and do God-knows-what to you
3/ Genuinely afraid of lifts AND escalators.

Fuck knows because I legged it. Weirdo.

The fun continues in the Sainsbury's where I catch sight of Brent. He's the guy I told you about yesterday. I've decided to call him Brent because firstly he's "rent" and secondly his rent name starts with a B.

That's a whopping ten out of ten for originality there then!

Naturally I have to follow him around a bit - intrigued as to what he might put in his trolley.

I try to keep my distance but also take a photo however I fail because I'm also trying to negotiate a basket and a heavy gym bag at the same time.

He has some bananas and fat-free yoghurt already.

I then have that moment, the one where you say to yourself; "Bobby, what are you really expecting him to buy? New grabbling hooks for his sling? Replacement electrodes?"

He's a normal person doing something normal, like shopping. Finally I leave him in the loo-roll section.

(Pink, single-ply. The man clearly has no taste either.)

I was going to have the big moral debate with myself - "is it really appropriate to be stalking rent boys in the Sainsbury's" but instead I got home and sucked my teeth.

But not before taking the body out of the freezer to defrost. Just kidding.

In fact having a body in the fridge would at least give the poor contraption a reason for existing. The thing works all day and all night to keep the following things cold:

Moving on...

It was thirty years ago today that Elvis died. I bet his fridge didn't look at all like mine.

Like so many I am fascinated with Elvis. One day, when I buy my own house, I am going to have an entire wall dedicated to pictures of him.

I'm fascinated with him, not because of his music but because I think he was one of the most beautiful men who's ever lived. Like Marlon Brando.

It's such a tragedy to see how he turned out (like Brando too) but just look at some of my favourite pictures of him. He was the best but he was also just so incredibly beautiful.

Above is one of my favourite photos of him, aged about 22. It's mesmerising and weird to look at it and picture what would become of him. It's odd to think that that spotty youth, with the thick lips and smokey eyes, would go on to become a true legend. I wonder if he ever had an inkling of the way things would turn out?


I like these two because above, he just looks so cocky and below, just so cute.

Finally this picture which needs no explanation. Absolutely beautiful.

Rock on Elvis...